Finding Joy in the Journey
How a single journey has changed my relationship with food
“One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things” — Henry Miller
It’s tempting to think of happiness and fulfillment as feelings that happen when you’ve reached a specific goal or a specific destination. We have thoughts that we will be happy with the next promotion, the new job, the new house, the next trip, etc.
But I have found that happiness and contentment don’t lie at the next destination — they lie in the journey and the ability to enjoy life all along the way.
The journey in Paris
If I traveled only seeking a destination, I would be sorely disappointed wherever I went.
If I went to Paris only to see the Eiffel Tower and I was confronted by the extraordinarily long lines to go up the tower, the ugly glass barricades at the base, the massive crowds at the top, and the ridiculously expensive champagne served in plastic, I would have been devastated. I might even have let that single experience color my memories of the entirety of Paris — or even the entire country of France . If I let that single experience color my entire experience, I would come home and not have enjoyed the trip; all because I chose a singular focus that ended up less than stellar.
But what I know is that grand destinations and grand goals can be beautiful, yes, but they also have the possibility of being terrible. Having a singular focus can blind you to the entire journey — and it is the entire journey with all the good, the bad, and the beautiful that really matters.
So what if your idealized picture of visiting the Eiffel Tower didn’t pan out exactly like you thought? If you allow yourself to enjoy the entire journey, one hiccup won’t matter to you. Instead, you’ll focus on the INCREDIBLE wine you were served with your lunch. You’ll remember the kind waiter who translated a menu for you then helped you select the most delicious food! You’ll focus on the kindness of your Airbnb host, the smell of blossoms carried on the crisp spring air, and the taste of impossibly delicate macarons you learned to make with a Parisian chef. And if your idealized destination turns out exactly what you dreamed it would be, that’s a bonus on an already amazing experience.
If you focus on just one thing, you’ll miss the importance of the journey.
A changing relationship with food
My last trip to France completely changed my turbulent relationship with food.
For a long time, I’ve had a bad relationship with food and I’ve struggled with my self image and my weight. I’ve always been large. Then in high school I became an athlete and I lost a lot of weight — but I still felt like I was huge. So, I didn’t like anyone seeing me eat — especially “bad” foods — because I felt judged.
As a two sport athlete in college, my body changed to become even more athletic (with larger muscles and broader shoulders) and I had to eat a lot of food to sustain my continuous activity. No matter how much I ate, the 6+ hours of practice a day made my body fat drop almost too low — and somehow I still wasn’t slim.
And, I was just as self-conscious.
After suffering a sports-related shoulder injury and less than a year later being in a high speed accident that left me with chronic back pain and arthritis, I was lost. I was an athlete who didn’t know how to exercise with my broken body, and I kept my poor relationship with food. I ate like I did before — and I used the food as comfort.
Needless to say, my previous fears of being huge and severely overweight were actualized. I am still struggling with my self-image, my weight, and my relationship with food.
But on my journey in France last year, I was shown a new way to view food and my relationship to it.
Sure, I was (and am) severely overweight and that is frowned upon in France — especially Paris. Willowy body types are the norm in Paris, and my width felt particularly pronounced on the narrow streets and sitting in the spindly cafe chairs.
I was particularly uncomfortable during a cooking class with a Parisian chef. I thought he would surely want to create something extra healthy or look down at me for wanting to try the beautiful dessert he would teach us to create.
Instead, he explained the French relationship with food: there is no such thing as a “bad” food. And there are no foods that I should ever restrict myself from. The concept seems so simple now, but it was so foreign to me at the time. I considered sweets to be “bad” foods — foods I shouldn’t ever have. What that inevitably resulted in was me wanting to eat the restricted food that much more.
So, instead of asking for a big slice of something or skipping a treat that I really wanted, he suggested always enjoying the small one if I wanted it. It would never have occurred to him that even as heavy as I was that I should go without — or that I would choose to go without. The French believe in savoring life and that includes enjoying indulgent food, just in moderation.
The concept is so simple, but I had never considered it before: there are no bad foods. Not even that beautiful chocolate croissant from the patisserie or that creamy, fresh cheese is bad or forbidden — it should all be enjoyed.
I came away from my trip to Paris with a whole new perspective and a new way of looking at my world. That shift in perspective has helped me lose over 45 pounds in the past year. I certainly am not the weight I want to be and I still struggle with my self-image, but I am enjoying the journey now. I’m enjoying foods I thought were forbidden and being more successful than I’ve been before.
It doesn’t matter that the Eiffel Tower wasn’t perfect — I came back changed, and that is better than any single destination could ever be.
Leana’s an avid world traveler who has been to over 40 countries and will be venturing to her 7th continent in 2022. She believes in ubuntu and that adventures make life worth living. To follow her journey as a plus-sized woman with unquenchable wanderlust as she continues to seek out all that the world has to offer, you can check out The Overweight Adventurer.
