The Art of Connection — Remembering we are all human
It is easy to label someone and pre-judge them. That person has tattoos; they must have been in jail. That person is fat; they must be a lazy slob.
Those labels and snap judgments are probably not true.
Labeling someone and identifying them as someone “other” — someone different than you — dehumanizes them. And dehumanizing someone makes it a lot easier to treat them differently; to treat them as less than human, or at least, less than you.
But they are not less than you; they have differences from you that should be celebrated and learned about. They are human and deserve the same respect and dignity that you do.
Breaking stereotypes — one act of kindness at a time
In travel, it’s easy to assume stereotypes are true. The French are rude. All Singaporeans are rich. All Americans are loud and obnoxious. Labeling a culture or race is not only dangerous to the people in that labeled group, but also becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I once had a friend warn me, “the French are SO rude! Especially the ones in Paris. You should just see the Eiffel Tower then go home.” I was stunned that she had had that experience. But having traveled to so many places, I know that if she was universally treated rudely — it was because she was being rude to them. The more she expected rudeness, the more she received.
I’ve been to France, and specifically Paris, twice now; and I don’t think I’ve had a single encounter with a rude Frenchman/woman. In fact, I had waiters spend extra time with me explaining how to best enjoy my traditional meal of escargot, wine, and a dessert of incredible cheese. I met shopkeepers kind enough to re-open their doors to help me locate a lost item. I even had the Maitre D’ of the Moulin Rouge invite my husband and I to watch a second show at the world-famous Moulin Rouge — for free.
How my friend and I were treated on our trips couldn’t have been more different. Why? I’m not special, or exceptionally beautiful, or gifted with a silver tongue. But what I’ve learned through many years of travel is to approach everyone with kindness and a desire to learn.
I make it a habit to learn a few phrases in the main language of whatever country I am visiting. Plus I write a few more phrases down on a piece of paper that I carry with me in case I need it.
You’d be surprised how far that one small act of preparation and that willingness to try will get you. Remember, they are human — just like you. They may have their differences (cultural and personal), but that is just an opportunity to learn and celebrate those differences.
When traveling and interacting with people from other countries, take a moment to think: if you were in there shoes, how would you like to be treated?
Everyone deserves respect — we are all human
When approached by a hawker, what do you do? Do you run away? Ignore them? Yell at them? Maybe some combination of all three?
And what does any of that get you?
I see a lot of people — most people — do this. They react to hawkers and street vendors like they are pariah. Sure, sometimes this will cause the hawkers/vendors to try someone else; sometimes they will literally run after you in hopes that you will buy something to make them go away. I’ve tried it all too, and it is almost never effective. But as uncomfortable as the interactions may make you, remember that the hawkers and vendors are human too.
And he or she deserves the same respect as you.
After a lot of trial and error, I use the approach of connecting with everyone I come across. Yes, even the vendors hawking their wares in my personal space.
One night while in Paris, my husband was waiting in a long line for fresh crepes while I was sitting on the steps by the Seine, watching the bustling of people and dozens of hawkers milling around the Eiffel Tower. I was a sitting duck so to speak and had multiple hawkers approach me.
But not a single one tried to sell me anything.
Because instead of ignoring them or dismissing them, I smiled at them and said hello. Instead of running away or yelling at them, I asked them about themselves. I learned about them. I learned that many of them were from villages in Senegal and were in Paris working to send money back to their families still in Senegal. Many of them lived together in small apartments outside of Paris’ city limits. Most of them were homesick.
After a while, those hawkers that I had made friends with would wave as they chased after another tourist, or they would tell their colleagues not to even try to sell to me.
When my husband (finally) came back with our crepes, we were able to sit and watch the Eiffel Tower light up — completely uninterrupted. All because I approached the hawkers and street vendors as fellow human beings with their own stories to tell; and worthy of my respect.
Remember that we are all human, and we are all doing our best. We all make mistakes, and we all have bad days. When you travel, try to approach everyone with the same kindness and courtesy you wish you were extended on your worst days. Trust me — it will take you far.
Leana’s an avid world traveler who has been to over 40 countries and will be venturing to her 7th continent in 2022. She believes in ubuntu and that adventures make life worth living. To follow her journey as a plus-sized woman with unquenchable wanderlust as she continues to seek out all that the world has to offer, you can check out The Overweight Adventurer.
