Preparing Children through Divorce; How Parents can Manage their Feelings and Help Children Cope with Fears and Questions.

Parents

Divorce is difficult for most families. Couples who want an amicable divorce start fighting regarding custody issues and finances. Many parents also struggle with devastation, anger, and grief. Sometimes their feelings are so intense they end up discussing the other parent with their children or isolating themselves.

Children

Children's divorce experience varies depending on the children's age, temperament, and the relationship they have with both parents. Being a child is difficult because they have little control over most parts of life, which is a big change that renders them helpless.

Many children love both their parents and feel guilty if they are having fun with one parent or they have not spent enough time with the other. Some children experience grief or depression. They may get lower grades in school, have difficulty sleeping, impaired appetite, and have problems with motivation or concentration. Other children experience fears and anxiety.

Children May Have an Idea that Something is going on in the Family.

Children may have an idea that something is happening with their parents. There may be more conflict, or they may hear conversations about the divorce. They may talk about what they think is going to happen.

How to Help Children Cope with Divorce

Preparation

Preparation is essential in helping children cope with divorce. Most people cope better when they have an idea of what will happen. If both parents have a good enough relationship, they can prepare the kids together. If parents are having trouble being angry at one another, they should each do it separately.

Details of Preparation

The preparation may take a couple of times of talking. Parents should include where each parent will live, if the children have their own rooms, the schedule of what days they will be at each house, and how they will get there.

Child's Developmental level and Location of the Conversation

If your children are young, you might want to read a book about divorce that is age-appropriate so you are sure they understand. Also, when you have this talk with your kids, you may want to go to a park that you usually don't go to so they won't associate a familiar place with bad news.

References

Brosi, M., Montoya, B., & Masri, K. (2019). Helping children of divorce understand their feelings. Oklahoma Cooperative Extension Service.

Demir-Dagdas, T., Isik-Ercan, Z., Intepe-Tingir, S., & Cava-Tadik, Y. (2018). Parental divorce and children from diverse backgrounds: Multidisciplinary perspectives on mental health, parent-child relationships, and educational experiences. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 59(6), 469–485.