I Hope You’re Okay
Why? Because I am not okay. I mean, I’m okay, but I’m also really not okay.
There are times when I have thought I understood the term “triggering,” now I am sure I understand it. My kid started kindergarten, and I am struggling … WE are struggling. And then there’s the shitshow down in D.C. Oh good lord, make it STOP. Like I said, I am not okay.
I have been assaulted in a similar way to what Dr. Blasey says happened to her and I believe every word she said. But oddly, that is not what this awful spectacle is dredging up in me. Instead, and much to my surprise, it is pulling up from the depths of my memory all the times my life has been derailed by casual and outright sexism and misogyny. I am obsessively fixated on all the points in my career where I have been forced to pivot because of some asshole’s decision to fuck up my life. And I am FURIOUS. I wrote a little (okay long) piece about it.
Since I wrote this piece, I have been thinking a lot about quitting. I’m not even going to pretend that being a working mom is easy. It is hard as shit. I have barely made it through some of the days since our son started kindergarten. I keep thinking to myself “It would be so much easier if I quit my job and was able to pick him up after school.”
After I wrote this essay it occurred to me: Maybe one of the reasons so many women drop-out of the workforce when they have kids is that it’s a way to end all the experiences like the ones I catalog in my essay. DO NOT GET ME WRONG. I KNOW that being a stay-at-home-parent is not easy. I KNOW that dealing with the internecine politics of mom groups is also hard and can be damaging and dispiriting. But I just got to wondering if maybe some women, after a lifetime of workplace humiliations decide that it is just a BETTER choice.
I hope you are okay. I hope you are finding the love and support and hugs and laughter that you might be needing at this difficult time. I hope you have the support of other wonderful women at work, and I hope you are doing the work to support them, too. I know it’s hard, but it’s even harder to watch your career torpedoed by scurrilous rumors and stupid misunderstandings.
Intergenerational understanding between women might be the most important conversation we should be having right now. Resist the urge to blame Millenials. Resist the urge to call yourself old. Resist the urge to brush someone off as being too young or too green. Speak your truth. Accept the truth of others. Offer a leg-up when you have the strength to do so. Offer a shoulder or an ear when it is needed. The only way we’re going to get through this and make this MOMENT the pivotal moment it so richly deserves to be is to lean on each other and raise each other up. This is our moment, don’t let the patriarchy steal it from us!
This essay first appeared as the intro to Pallas List email number 24.
The Pallas List is a bi-weekly newsletter of the Pallas Network. Our goal is to connect women one-to-one with people that can refer them to the job of their dreams. As a side benefit, we also hope to add a little motivation! If you feel so motivated, please send along any job opportunities you may have. My inbox is always open: ann@pallasnetwork.com xo — Ann
