In Fact, She Changed the Universe
Women change the world, whether the men notice or not.
Is it ever too late to start trying? Trying to pull it together. Trying to figure out what to be when I grow up. Trying to push through to the next level. Trying to rewrite the paradigm. Trying to break the glass ceiling. Trying to break your heart. Trying to rewrite my relationship with myself. Trying to, well, shit, do anything. Is it ever too late? I’m gonna have to go with no on this one.
When Hillary lost the election in 2016 there was a phrase that kept running through my head “A change in timing does not necessitate a change in plan.” Because Hillary lost doesn’t mean we will never see a woman president, it just means it might take a few more years.
I feel like women our age — 30s, 40s, 50s — have to think about this a lot, especially regarding our careers, because there is no obvious trend line for a woman’s career. The patriarchy sees to that. Women’s careers are almost always sidelined by any number of stupid shit the patriarchy throws at us. Unwelcome advances. A blowjob joke. Benevolent sexism. Outrageously priced and difficult to get childcare. The idea that there’s only one seat at the table. Systemic misogyny. Pregnancy discrimination. Office mom jobs. Unfair wages. The list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on (and on). (btw, I didn’t even have to work hard to find all those links, just a very quick Google search, so … yeah.)
But men? They get to progress from assistant (shit, sometimes they even get to skip this role entirely!) to coordinator to manager to director to vp to md to ed to c-suite in a nice linear progression. I can’t tell you how many conversations I have had with men where they look at me quizzically and ask stupid questions like, “But why can’t you find a new job? What do you mean no one wants to hire you?” There is always something. Too old. Too much experience. Wants too much money. Too opinionated. Too much trouble (oh, we’ve heard about her, she’s angry/meek/bitchy/a pushover/ditzy/type a/a know-it-all). She has a kid. We don’t want to make her travel too much. She thinks she’s too good for us. It is literally endless.
So, what’s the solution? To be completely honest, I do not know. BUT, I do have this, like, feeling in my bones that the solution does not involve men, that it actually involves women doing it for themselves. I recently heard Rebecca Traister speak, and one of the things I cannot stop thinking about is how she feels like, to have a society where women’s contributions matter, we have to completely remake capitalism. I think she was coming at it from a socialist/communist perspective, but I think of it in a different way.
It’s like a shadow economy.
If men won’t/can’t stop getting in our way? We’ll make our own economy. Our own groups, our own shops, our own lending circles, our own institutions. Sometimes I wonder if they’ll even notice? It reminds me of Ursula K. Le Guin’s epic 1986 Bryn Mawr commencement speech.
“Nobody hears if old women say yes or no, nobody pays them sixty cents for anything. Old men run things. Old men run the show, press the buttons, make the wars, make the money. In the man’s world, the old man’s world, the young men run and run and run until they drop, and some of the young women run with them. But old women live in the cracks, between the walls, like roaches, like mice, a rustling sound, a squeaking. Better lock up the cheese, boys. It’s terrible, you turn up a corner of civilization and there are all these old women running around on the wrong side.”
We are the shadow power, and if they won’t acknowledge us, it’s time to take their power away. Speak with your wallet. Speak with your hiring. Speak with your eloquent rage. Enough is enough.
This essay first appeared as the intro to Pallas List email number 25.
The Pallas List is a bi-weekly newsletter of the Pallas Network. Our goal is to connect women one-to-one with people that can refer them to the job of their dreams. As a side benefit, we also hope to add a little motivation! If you feel so motivated, please send along any job opportunities you may have. My inbox is always open: ann@pallasnetwork.com xo — Ann
