This was it, she was sure,
for many times she had heard,
she’d know it was happening
when he looked into her eyes,
and stopped with his words.
How often had she dreamed,
of this moment now here;
for years she had wondered,
and wanted and feared.
She thought she was ready,
but now it wasn’t so clear,
Her heart became daunted;
a mixture of a flutter
and tears.
But she had to be strong.
This Little girl was always having to make herself strong
against all those who’d point at her,
and all their endless, chiding chatter.
Sick of the girls who flaunted their stories,
she was determined to no longer
be in the category of
the girl who misses
Every. Single. Thing.
that was good
…like boys, and kisses.
So for three lonely months,
she had hidden at home.
If people had fun,
she would not have known.
She never did see that summer’s sun,
And a child staying inside is not f*cking fun.
When she came out,
There was no more noise or laughter,
but rather the boys had all found
a new girl to lust after.
Stumbling over themselves,
trying to be witty.
She wondered…
Did having the procedure
mean she was pretty?
Her thoughts punched and bruised,
the confusing committee.
Removing them didn’t
make her a new person.
The more she thought about it,
her thoughts only worsened.
And as she healed,
her fears would subside.
Though now this confusion
was boiling inside.
But she was a fighter,
so she hoped against hope,
the next years would feel lighter
and would find new boys
inside of her scope.
She thought she was ugly,
But now things seemed to diverge.
It was like a whole new Her
began to emerge.
Here she was,
No longer hiding inside,
and though it struck her
as slightly contrived,
she tried not to think,
and to focus on the boy at her side.
This was it. She had made it.
Finally crossing a kiss off her list.
So she closed her eyes,
and willed herself into a blissful state.
…Only for a boy to ruin her fate.
And a lifetime has not yet
been enough to forget these scenes
in Her mind’s never-ending,
replaying cassette.
And this I have felt; and this do I get.
