the divine paradox | xopɐɹɐd ǝuᴉʌᴉp ǝɥʇ
[WTF is this whole The Paradox thing?]
Some people have asked me what this whole “Paradox” thing is all about.
It is hard to communicate the depth in which the many paradoxes that surround us have become tools of enlightenment for me. I cannot give you what I have, unfortunately. Not that you would probably really want it, but even if you did — I am unable to adequately communicate it.
That’s because, true to their very nature, the power of a paradox cannot be captured in a single definition. The Paradoxes of life are things you have to feel, come into conflict with, and find your way through — you must experience them first hand. Paradoxes are spoken to us in the language of the divine, made for the ears of our heart, not of our minds.
But I can try to communicate one of the better-known ones in hope you may at least understand the point of conception.
This better-known example is that of the Divine Paradox, or Divina Paradoxona for you fancy Latin-speaking people — and will sound familiar to many amongst the religious community. The Divine Paradox is the understanding that strength is born out of our weakest moments. And that, paradoxically, when we feel we are strongest, we are actually at our weakest.
Many who have witnessed an addict’s cycles through the years have noted that they showcase strength and happiness in early sobriety that seems like it should not be there. Almost as if they were putting on a show that is far from genuine. Amongst the sober population, this period in early sobriety has even been given a slightly derogatory moniker, and is known as experiencing the “pink cloud.” Those who use this term do not mean to be judgmental, nor are they are foolish for thinking this of an addict in early recovery. But, they are wrong.
Why should an addict coming out of years of addiction be anything but hopeless, beaten down, desperate, and full of shame? Should they not be in a downpour, drenched by the guilt of their weaknesses? Well, perhaps two things can be true at the same time. This person may indeed be beaten down, desperate, and full of shame — but they also are experiencing the main components necessary to incubate the gift of The Divine Paradox. The gift of spiritual strength, which rises like a Phoenix out of the ashes of their rubble, in the midst of their weakest and most vulnerable periods.
And this is not a gift that only addicts or alcoholics can receive. For we are all broken people, in our own way. If you have not yet been broken, you will be. Life breaks us all. It may pick and choose its timing, but it will eventually break you. Even the most successful amongst us are not insulated from life’s tragedies.
For example, you will all lose both of your parents to death one day. If you do not, then they will have lost you — and you will have broken them. And in these broken moments that we will all without doubt experience, if you have the strength to look up to whatever god or deity you believe in and humbly present your brokenness to them, you may receive The Secret. The Secret of desperation. The secret of I-don’t-know-what-the-f*ck-I’m-doing. The secret of I-don’t-know-how-to-handle-this. The secret of asking for help.
In my view, this is the reason why terrible things happen. There simply must be pain. For, as I have said previously, there is no beauty without pain. Thus, there must be weakness, for there is no real strength to be found outside of that which arises from weakness.
The frustrating thing is that the Divine Paradox seems to work along a bell curve. Or said differently — that the divine paradox is, in fact, paradoxical. If strength comes from weakness, there will eventually become a point where the weak ones, those who have been given the gift of The Secret, are more filled with strength than weakness. At that point, the plot flips upside down and begins to cannibalistically feast upon itself, until they are back where they started — weak, and broken. So, how is this sustainable? Isn’t it in its very nature just a totally f*cked system?
Well, maybe you don’t think so, but I sure know that it has f*cked me over the years. So, in my mind, yeah, the system kinda sucks. But would you refuse a gift of a new car simply because you knew that one day the car would need maintenance, or because its paint would eventually fade away? No, you would enjoy it while it lasted. You would be grateful for the time you had with it. And while I think that certain aspects of the Divine Paradox are frustrating, I am completely and entirely grateful for the gifts of desperation which have been given to me that have illuminated it.
And is knowledge of this bell curve a reason to slow down your ascent? No it is not. Therefore you will have to excuse me if I do not stop from lighting the flint atop this cannon’s barrel that I am nestled inside. Yes, I am aware of the flight pattern of the cannonball. But, just allow me to enjoy being shot from it, while I travel towards the sky with the thrust of a thousand people who have helped me along the way.
I am not scared of the curve, which some day may mark my descent. My only fear is figuring out how to shed my weight, and learning to fly. I am no longer fearful of what kind of bird, aircraft, or weightless-winged-cannonball my god may eventually transform me into. I know not how my cannonball becomes flightworthy, but I know it will.
And I know I am ready to fly.
