Bullies Destroyed Me — Ignoring It Is Impossible

A child’s perspective

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A black and white photo of a child holding their hands out in front of them in protection.
Photo by M.T ElGassier on Unsplash

This is an edited first chapter of a very long memoir. I may serialise it on Medium.

There have been times of incredible or unexpected kindness in my life that still make me choke up inside. There have also been times of mystifying cruelty, relentless bullying, and physical violence. The bruises healed, but the psychological trauma is difficult to shake off.

For years, I lay awake at night, my mind going round in circles. How could I have handled things better? Would different choices have given me a happier life? But the balance of power was tipped against me, the obstacles seemed insurmountable and my self-esteem was in tatters.

I wished my parents had understood the effect that the bullying had on me. I couldn’t handle it and I needed help. But dad was critical and mum said ignore it. I sometimes wished I was dead.

It’s only due to the miracles of modern medicine that I’m in this world at all. Yet, throughout most of my childhood, I wished they’d just let me die. Life was too painful and I couldn’t cope with all the bullying.

It was the early 1970s when I was born prematurely. I was very tiny, underweight, and almost didn’t make it. Mum had been on a weight-loss diet during pregnancy and was so…

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Susie Kearley 🐹 Guinea pig slave
The Parenting Portal

Freelance journalist UK. Published in BBC Countryfile, The Mirror, Britain mag etc. Covers writing, health, psychology, memoir, current affairs, & environment.