How I Stopped Being a Yell-y Mom
The one thing that changed everything
It’s been about 6 years since I last yelled at my kids. I hardly recognize that version of myself now. But I don’t want to forget that past — it’s what made me the parent I am today, connected to my children in a way I never imagined.
But let me rewind and explain how I became that yell-y mom.
Growing up, my family life was chaotic. My parents struggled to make ends meet, which had a negative impact on the way they raised me. I learned early on that love and attention must be earned.
I had to do as I was told to avoid punishment, including stop crying when I was sad or scared. I accepted that I have to rely on myself because they weren’t mentally or physically available to help me navigate the world.
In my teens, yelling, beating, passive aggressiveness, and threatening to disown me were common tactics for my parents to gain control. So to be considered a good kid, I kept to myself and made sure I followed their rules.
(I do feel the need to mention that I do have fond memories of my childhood, but the hard times come to mind much more easily. And decades later, I’m still working through those damaging experiences.)
