I Grew Up Being Told “Stop Crying!”
How Two Words Led to a Life-Long Struggle
The other day, I walked past a little kid crying next to his parents on the street. Walking in front of me was an older adult with a young girl who looked about 7 or 8 years old. Like me, the grown up took notice of the crying child.
“People don’t like children who cry,” said the person before me. “Right?” she asked, after not getting a response from the girl.
“You don’t love to cry, right?” she continued, repeating that people don’t like kids who cry.
My eyes opened wide, lips tightened, and I took in a few deep breaths. Inside, I felt a bit of anger, and was concerned for the little girl and the message she just heard. Did the girl not respond because she wasn’t paying attention, or did it make her wonder if she wouldn’t be liked if she shed a tear?
When I was 4 or 5 years old, my father would get very angry when I cried. “Stop crying!” he’d yell. Actually in literal translation from Chinese it was “not allowed to cry.” His objection often only made me cry louder because instead of addressing why I was crying, he only made me feel more scared and sad.
By 7 or 8 years old, I had learned to suppress my feelings long enough to cry out of sight. This was to avoid getting hit for not being…
