My Favourite Book on Parenting So Far
The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.
First and foremost, I have to say that this is a must-read book for all parents. Trust me, the valuable coping strategies outlined in it won’t just serve your parenthood but will also make you a more mindful individual, improving your listening and communication skills.
I will compile a list of my favorite takeaways in this article.
1. Connect and redirect
Since our little ones can’t express their emotions thoroughly enough, they act from their right brain reflecting their emotional state on their body. When a child becomes mad and upset about an issue, the best coping strategy is to connect to their right brain showing empathy until they calm down and open to our suggestions. We sometimes tend to cover or neglect the issue, yet connecting to their emotions will help us handle the situation the best and bring up emotionally strong children.
2. Name it to tame it
When the children are losing their temper because of outraging right-brain emotions, assist them in telling a story about what’s happening. You can ask some questions to get them started. Once they connect to their left brain to make sense of their feelings, they understand the situation better. As a result, talking will pour out their negative energy boiling inside.
3. Engage, don’t enrage
When our little ones get out of control in high-stress situations, the best thing we can do is to engage their thinking brain instead of enraging their emotional downstairs brain. Instead of saying no to chocolate before dinner, ask them what the right time to have chocolate would be, before or after food. It is important to educate children about how consuming sweets can affect their appetite.
4. Use it or lose it
In this book, the upstairs brain is referred to as a thinking brain, and the downstairs one is a primitive reacting brain. The authors remind us about the importance of asking children good questions to make them think and develop their upstairs brain. The questions will be a fun tactic to let them make their own choices and see the consequences. Questions about empathy help the youngsters to connect with you as well as other people around them.
5. Let the clouds of emotions roll by
It's essential for us as parents to remind ourselves as well as our children that emotions are not us and they shall come and go. When they say they are sad, ask them why they are feeling sad. It's very important for all of us to know that fear, sadness, and other unwelcome feelings are temporary emotional states, not personality traits. Teach them to be aware of their thoughts and bodily sensations to understand the root of their emotions. This habit of self-reflection will help them to calm their mind and body.
Wrapping up, the book emphasizes that conflicts can be opportunities for us parents to teach valuable life lessons for the personal and social growth of our children and family is the first and the most influential school in their life. Every time you find yourselves in a high-stress situation, just take a moment to recall this message and change your approach. Mindfulness is the key to being a whole-brain parent for raising a whole-brain generation.
Is there anything you would like to add about this book or other books on parenting?
Please share your valuable thoughts and knowledge. Everyone has a lesson to teach.
I write to ‘shrink’ the issues on this life journey. Parenthood is a significant part of it. Join me on this rewarding and captivating inner-work therapy.
