Navigating the Twin Relationship
How much is a toy tiger worth?
At nineteen months, twins Olivia (Oli) and Ava are developing opinions and learning to navigate the relationship terrain. There’s the expected rough and tumble and competition for a toy, but there are also moments of support and looking out for each other.
If one is sad or upset, the other will often go in search of a soother and pop it in the crying mouth. They might even give up their own soother if they perceive extreme distress. But the other day, Ava was met with a challenge where the stakes were simply too high.
Oli was sitting on the sofa, crying. She’d been at it for a minute or two and was warming to her theme. Ava was holding a tiger, her very favourite from the collection of rubber jungle animals. Oli is also partial to the tiger, so I suggested to Ava that she give it to her sister to make her feel better.
I knew Oli had overheard this, as there was a momentary lull in her crying as she waited to see what Ava would do. When nothing happened, Oli started up again. Ava must have felt bad and began approaching Oli with the tiger, but at a snail’s pace. Observing Ava’s painfully slow progress, Oli forced herself to keep up the performance.
Throughout, I kept encouraging to Ava to show sisterly support. Ava eventually arrived at Oli’s side, but her internal struggle was almost palpable. One part of her brain was telling her to reach out to Oli with the tiger, the other part was imploring her to keep it.
Are you crazy? It’s the tiger!
Tentatively, she reached out her chubby little hand, which was clutching the tiger, towards Oli, but quickly retracted it. She tried again. And again. Her arm moved forwards and backwards, like a mechanical toy, reflecting her inner turmoil.
Oli, still forcing out sobs, watched on from behind corkscrew curls. She was becoming impatient.
How long do you think I can keep this up? Just hand over the tiger and it will be done.
But Ava couldn’t do it. The prize was too valuable, the cost too great. She wondered why I hadn’t suggested the zebra; that would have been easy. She averted her gaze, and with Tiger held close, she melted away.
Realising the campaign was lost, Oli recovered quickly. Who cares about a tiger when there are elephants to be had? She wandered over to the tub and helped herself.
