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Political Satire
Trump’s Latest Trade Deal: Swapping the Mississippi for the Panama Canal
The President-elect's dementia is getting worse
President-elect Donald Trump has announced his latest and perhaps most audacious trade proposal yet: trading the mighty Mississippi River for control of the Panama Canal. The deal, which Trump claims will “Make America Great Again by giving us total control over global trade routes,” has left political analysts, geographers, and everyone else scratching their heads.
During a press conference held at his Mar-a-Lago estate, Trump, flanked by life-sized cutouts of himself and Panama’s President Laurentino Cortizo, boldly declared, “Folks, we’re going to make the biggest, most tremendous trade deal you’ve ever seen. We’re going to swap our little old Mississippi for the Panama Canal. It’s going to be yuge!”
Citing the Panama Canal’s strategic importance in global trade, Trump argued that gaining control over this vital waterway would boost America’s economy by “a gazillion dollars.” He further claimed that the Mississippi River, while “nice,” was “underperforming” and could use a change of scenery.
“This deal is a win-win,” Trump exclaimed. “The Panamanians get a beautiful river, and we get to control the canal. Plus, I hear they’re great at building…