Letter to my half
“Eight years have passed,
Day for day,
Hour for hour,
The emptiness remains the same,
The bitterness remains the same,
The teenager you left behind has grown up well,
Proud of the values you have given him,
Words will not be enough to say how much I miss you;
NO! NO! How much we miss you,
I hope that my prayers, those of my mother and those of the whole family accompany you on the other side.”
Your beloved Princess
Yesterday I saw again your love,
The love of your life,
A love as we have only one in this life,
A love that few will know…
We have talked about you,
Talked about your smiles,
Talked about who you were,
Talked about how much we miss you,
Talking over and over again,
To explore in a snap of tongues, the most distant paths of our memory to relive the most euphoric and dysphoric moments of our lives,
These same memories that I have long buried in the depths of my heart,
Once again, I had to hold back my tears, as I always have, I had to tighten my throat so as not to let out the screams of pain that I have been compressing for a few years,
Is it then enough to simply recall your person to bring up in me my most repressed pains?
My bitterest thoughts?
My deepest fears?
A single evocation of your person to bring up the river of tears that I thought had dried up
Yes! 8 years have truly passed, but I know it, I will never accept it…
Memories of the morning awakening by your side and the smell of breakfast,
Memories of the stories and tales of the evenings when Morpheus was waiting,
Memories of our squabbles of old comrades and our most atypical reconciliations,
Memories of you covering all my mistakes and scams…
How stupid could I be?
Today I will give everything to relive these moments,
I’ll give anything to apologize to you,
I’m sorry for all the times I hurt you,
And God knows how much I regret it.
Today my life is very miserable,
I keep looking in the mirror of the past and I can’t stop crying,
Yes! I, your beloved Princess, i cry
Yes! I, your beloved Princess, i cry for you
I cry for you to lose my voice,
I cry for you because I know that no being of flesh will ever love me like you did,
I know this with full consciousness, but above all, because they have never ceased to remind me of it,
Remind me that I am now alone in the world,
Alone in front of the wheel of my life,
This same life that laughs in my face, allying with third parties to remind me that nothing will ever be the same again.
You have often taught me the existence of a supreme and just person who protects both young and old ;
Would the latter have turned away from me forever when he took you with him?
I finally decided to accept it.
I often cry in my sleep without knowing why,
And it’s at those moments that I realize that I’m really sad inside myself,
Sad to live permanently with this feeling of emptiness,
Sad not to know what really destroys me,
Sad that I can’t be able to stand up like others,
Sad to spread only melancholy and bitterness,
Sad to deny me happiness without knowing why,
Sad that I can no longer live simply…
Yes! 08 years have truly passed, but I know now, my place is no longer in this world.
My place, the only one I ever had, is by your side
Yes, I exist, you might think,
But it’s been a long time since I stopped living
Now I’m here!
Ready to pass death around my neck like the pearl necklace I often put on at wild parties,
Ready to drink death in a cup like the hot chocolate you used to make me before school,
Ready to make the journey that will bring us together forever,
Ready to leave me in the arms of the skeletal dancer with the scarlet eyes,
Ready to let her, from her icy embrace, rock me towards the gates of the infinite dream,
Ready to say goodbye to my wounds and sadness,
Ready to say Goodbye to my anguish and fears;
Ready to say goodbye to perfidy and contempt,
Ready to say goodbye to hypocrisy and mockery,
Ready to say goodbye to this world,
Ready to say goodbye to this life,
But beyond that,
Ready to find you…
