When You Never Wanted to Be a Single Parent
But life takes you there, anyway
I used to stuff pillows under my shirt when I was 13, pretending I was pregnant.
I wanted nothing to do with my mother, and my stepmom bugged me. Maybe I subconsciously wanted to have a do-over. I wanted a husband and several children someday. I would’ve wanted a wife, too, had I been in the space to consider it. But this was the 80s, so marrying a man was my goal.
I got pregnant at age 18, too young and unprepared, and had an abortion. I was sad, but have no regrets. The longing to be a mother continued to stay with me.
I drank alcoholically until age 31, a little over 15 years. I got sober in 2003. I’m profoundly grateful I didn’t get pregnant. Again, I was unprepared. Angels must’ve been watching over me. Motherhood would’ve been potentially devastating back then.
I was single for long periods of sobriety.
I was still gravitating toward unhealthy unions. I hesitate to call them full-blown relationships since I wasn’t with anyone willing to commit to that.
I focused on staying clean and sober, did lots of 12-step work, and built a sweet little life with my kitties. I was healthy…
