Why Megalomanic Delusional Thoughts Are Becoming My Biggest Motivator

The realization that I, too, deserve to be in the ring and arena

Ryan Fan
The Partnered Pen

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Photo by Илья Мельниченко on Unsplash

In my sophomore year of high school, I raced in a mile race in a track meet against a runner, who I’ll call John Smith. John Smith was one of the best runners in the county. He had run the gold standards of a high school runner: a 4:20 in the mile, and a 9:20 in the 2 mile. These are times I have still not broken to this day.

I stepped on the line with John Smith, and acknowledged that I would not be able to compete with him. He was better. He was faster. He was more experienced. I had no business being mentioned in the same sentence as him.

When the race actually happened, I was very, very close to John Smith most of the race. He beat me, but barely, and I probably could have been more aggressive and put up a better effort against him if I had been less deferential to John Smith’s accomplishments. If I had seen him as my equal, I probably wouldn’t have beaten him, but I would have been significantly better. He had a pretty poor performance where a no-name sophomore who was a lot worse on paper could have beaten him.

When the race was over and I cooled down with one of the team’s leaders and captains, I told him my thought process. I told him…

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Ryan Fan
The Partnered Pen

Believer, Baltimore City IEP Chair, and 2:39 marathon runner. Diehard fan of “The Wire.” Support me by becoming a Medium member: https://bit.ly/39Cybb8