What My Mom Thinks About This Life-Risking Project

The fist time I told my parents I was going to summit the tallest peak in every Canadian province and territory my Mom shook her head with concerned worry. “You’re not really, are you?!? You have NO experience. It’s Dangerous!” is what I heard.

Yes, this project is dangerous. And yes, I have no experience climbing mountains. These and similar sentiments are thoughts I’ve had, realities I’ve accepted early on in the project.

It’s hard though, hearing my doubts echoed back to me by my mother — someone super-close to me whose acceptance and support I eagerly desire. When I tell her about the project and her first reactions are ones of worry, I worry… and I get angry. I feel frustrated that she isn’t standing up saying, “That’s amazing, Brian! You can do it!!”

But I can’t look to others for that kind of encouragement and support, even if that person I am looking to is my mother. She won’t be on the mountain-side with me when things get tough. Really, the person who needs to be cheering me on is me. The person saying the hard truths and still holding faith needs to be me. I need to be able to look myself in the mirror and say, “You could die on these mountains, but I have faith that you will prepare adequately and you will summit those 13 peaks.”

It’s interesting the way we hold parents and parental-figures on a pedestal elevated with expectation. When they react differently or fail to meet our expectations we are let down, sad, or even frustrated. Yet, the hope is that their reaction is honest and filled with love and our best interests at heart. In my case, the expectation and desire to hear words of support was simply my desire to hear my own words of encouragement repeated. But it’s not their or anyone else’s responsibility to lift me up.

Sure, it’s nice when someone says, “Come on Brian, you can do this!” It’s great and feels awesome. I would love to hear those words all the time! Who wouldn’t? However, if I walked around searching for that in every encounter, I would miss out on or fail to appreciate the extra bits of support I do receive. And, more importantly, in the moments where others aren’t supporting me — in the metaphorical moments where I’m alone on a mountain — I wouldn’t have that ability to tell myself to keep going — to reach the summit.

I’m sure one day my mother will tell me she’s super proud and believes in me… (probably after reading this blog post). For now, however, I’ll just look in the mirror and smile with the satisfaction found in knowing that I can.

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Originally published at thepeakbaggers.com on March 16, 2015.