Taco Bell Gothic

Hi, I’m here for the special I saw on TV. The twelve tacos for ten dollars? Yeah, crunchy tacos will be fine. And, in case you were wondering, yes, I am planning on eating them all by myself. Pathetic, huh? Well, I’m going through a divorce. I’ll tell you what— you don’t even have to wrap them. Just throw them in the bag. In fact, after you get them all in there, if you could smack the plastic bag against the wall a couple of times, that would be great. I might as well eat it as one big taco salad. If that doesn’t smash them all, feel free to stomp on them. It doesn’t matter anymore.

Oh, and when you hand them to me, would you call me a self-absorbed turd? I’m dealing with a lot of self esteem issues lately, and I think that might provoke a catharsis. Have you ever read any Derrida? He said that only history’s great monsters slept like babies, content in their own goodness. Self-loathing is the only proof that we still have an ethical conscience. That’s somewhat reassuring, isn’t it? Oh, hey, could I get some mild sauce with those?

Mark Russell is the author of God Is Disappointed in You, published by Top Shelf Productions and available at fine bookstores everywhere.