In Face of Rising Relationship Costs, California Man Breaks Up with Girlfriend Just Hours Before Valentine’s Day

After a back-and-forth romance that saw its ups and downs, Trevor Cameron, of San Diego, California, has broken up with Kyra Brown, just hours before Valentine’s Day. When asked for comment, Kyra noted that the timing of the breakup appeared “suspicious,” with all signs pointing to her ex-boyfriend being a probable “broke-ass muthafucka.”

We reached out to Trevor and he confirmed that the decision was made in the face of increasing costs of flowers, balloons and “other bullshit”, which the man states placed great strain on his relationship.

“Forty dollars?? I mean, they’re just flowers. Like, you literally find them in dirt. You’re not Vincent Van Gogh, okay? You just have scissors and time.”—Trevor Cameron, angrily yelling at a flower shop store front.

Having started the relationship just prior to Christmas, Trevor noted that he had already suffered a financial setback for the purchase of a Red Lobster gift card, which the woman allegedly used on her own, though there had been enough cash deposited onto the card for a meal for two. “Yea, sure why not go twice by yourself?? I mean, that’s cool. You did get me some socks, so, you know, I guess we’re toootally even.”

When asked about his plans for the future of the relationship, Trevor noted that there was always a chance for reconciliation, should Bernie Sanders win in the November elections. “I’m just waiting on my man Bernie to come through in 2020. Free relationship coverage is a human right. I need to be able to take my girl out to Sizzler with dignity…and order the salad bar. For two, Kyra. For two. “

Originally published at https://thepennypress.press on February 14, 2020.