How to Grow
“What are you going to do with your life?”
That was a question I heard repeatedly leading up to the days of high graduation.
I remembered as a young girl I wanted to be a film producer, but at the age of 17, I believed I was too far behind. Can you believe that?
Even more sadly, I believed my family had chalked that up to being a childhood dream, and I thought my campaign had cooled off too much since I was a 10-year-old girl.
With film producer being out of the question, I set on being a high school English teacher.
Reading was my favorite thing to do and being a teacher would give me an excuse to write and exercise my creative muscle, but most importantly it was safe. I could have the best of both worlds plus make others comfortable. At least that’s what I thought.
Being an English teacher was safe, and it wasn’t out of the norm, but it would also require four years of college at a minimum.
“Do you want to give this world another four years?” My mother replied to me as I told her my plans.
While my parents weren’t against higher education, they always encouraged full-time ministry.
I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. As a Witness, Jehovah is to be the most important person in our lives. It is our love for Him that makes us decide to dedicate our lives in service to Him. That means spending a significant amount of time speaking to others about Jehovah.
The jobs we are encouraged to take, and the education we are encouraged to pursue were so we could spend most of our time serving Jehovah which includes attending Christian meetings, studying the Scriptures, and field service.
Field Service is that thing we do when you see us going door to door.
Starting with my parents, full-time ministry, which is a significant amount of time out in field service, which in most cases is 70 hours a month, is what others told me to be the right thing to do. It was something noble.
But it simply wasn’t what I wanted to do, and my love for God did not move me to act.
“Do you think you can handle those bad kids?” My mother said another time.
I can’t remember my sisters’ exact words, but I do remember her saying that she and mom spoke about my aspirations. She told me mom doesn’t think being an English teacher is good for me, and that she agrees.
The conversation alluded to me not being able to handle my emotions and dealing with teenage children would test me in ways I couldn’t live up to.
I decided to go to community college and study to become an X-ray Tech. I never finished.
I often wonder what challenges I didn’t overcome and what lessons I didn’t learn by not moving towards the path life was nudging me towards.
I know other people live with those “what if?” questions. Most importantly, I know some people are stuck and facing the real consequence of not going through their growth spurt. Here is what I have to say about that.
Go Through Everything Scary
Imagine it’s your first day at your new fast-paced call center job. The two weeks of training couldn’t prepare you enough for the seemingly limitless number of different scenarios you may face, but still, you clock in for the first time, log onto the phone systems and wait for your first call.
Suddenly the phone rings. You have no idea what this caller wants. Is he irate, is this a simple payment transaction, or will you have no clue what you’re doing and leave him on hold until he finally decides to hang up? Anything can happen during this call, but still, you answer.
You begin the call by introducing yourself and asking how you can be of assistance. The customer starts blurting out all these questions and requests. None of the questions or requests have anything to do with what you learned in training. It’s as if he is speaking a different language.
What’s the next step? After you take a deep breath, you make sure you understand what the customer is asking you by repeating what he said to you. You might even write it down. You put them on hold to avoid feeling under pressure by the sound of their breathing on the other end. You look under every tab on your computer screen until you finally find the answer the customer needs.
Wasn’t so bad after all.
Our fears are like that, but what is “going through everything scary?” It’s being yelled at on the first day of your job. It’s being choked up when making a speech in front of a crowd, it’s not having an answer when someone who demands an answer is right in front of you. It’s being judged, it’s being a disappointment, it’s being embarrassed, it’s going through the worst-case scenarios when you begin a new journey. It’s important that you keep going, however, despite all the scary things you face.
We avoid the paths that will take us where we want to go because of everything we know we will face on that path. After we have gone through everything scary, we realize that it wasn’t so bad after all, and we have taken the necessary step to get us from point a to point b. Then, we do it again because we understand what route we should take and how to handle ourselves when something scary occurs again. We grow.
Live up to the Challenge
Imagine yourself taking a hike. On your hike, you come across a steep hill.
“whoa,” you say to yourself.
You haven’t worked out in a while, so you know you aren’t physically fit to take on this daunting task. Matter of fact, you decide to avoid this new foe altogether and keep hiking until you reach the end of your trail.
What you may not have considered is time wasted, and valuable physical exercise that would have prepared us for the hills that are impossible to go avoid.
To grow we must live up to the challenges on our journey. Sometimes we avoid a challenge because we think we aren’t fit for the work. We believe we aren’t smart enough, skilled enough, or adequate to get the job done. We stick to the things we know. We avoid our challenges to avoid failure.
We can’t avoid the work, however. That work is necessary to gain the skills, adequacy, and confidence toward our aspirations.
Living up to the challenge does not mean completing it without help or getting everything right. Living up to the challenge means doing the work consistently.
Do you have dreams of starting your restaurant? What’s the first thing that must be done? Whatever it is, whether it’s getting a food license, a business license, or getting approved for a loan, check it off the list.
It may not happen in a few months so don’t cheat yourself by cutting corners or going around the hill. Take it one step at a time and learn while you’re doing the work.
Walk Alone
Why is walking alone important? How does walking alone create growth? Walking alone is a test of belief in yourself and your vision. Sometimes we choose to walk alone, but sometimes we’re forced to walk alone. No matter which is true, we all end up asking ourselves this question; Who and what are we living for? Are we basing the jobs we take, the education, and careers we pursue off what others want for us because it makes them comfortable, or are we living a life for our fulfillment first?
The truth of the matter is this; We will not always have people who believe in us. We need to believe in ourselves and then make it happen for ourselves. You only get this time of reflection when you’re alone.
Ever been on vacation with someone who must have their way. We only go on the excursions they want, or we only go to the nightclubs and restaurants they want to go to. Is that our vacation with a friend or are we just keeping our friend company while they’re on vacation? Are we being their comfort?
It’s the same in our life. Making a habit of only doing things others want us to because they don’t believe in what we want to do stunts our growth. We never have time for reflection or to see what we are made of. What can we take? What is our resilience like?
Most importantly if we always listen to the voice’s others, we risk never seeing our dreams in fruition. They remain just dreams. We never see who we are. We never see our past, which tells us the story of where we are and where we’re going.
There is no one setlist to help you grow. It’s important, however, to not rob yourself of experiences that could create more of you. There are lessons in those experiences and that is especially true of the experiences that scare us and present challenges and call for us to walk alone. Answer those nagging questions. Take the first step up the hill. Each move made is a necessary step to becoming whom you want to be.
So, what has been your recipe for growth? Care to share? Drop your remedy in the comments below or submit a tale of your own about your growth journey.
