How to Overcome Empty Nest Syndrome
Advice From an Overcomer
I felt the sadness stirring in me a year before he left.
I tried with all my might to resist but it grew deeper and deeper.
I could do nothing but obsess daily about what was going to happen to my son for the next four long years — — and being five hours away.
How would he adjust to his new “living arrangements”? How would he get along with his roommate? What foods would be served in the cafeteria? Would he eat too much fast food? How would he handle an emergency situation should one arise?
My throat tightened every time these thoughts inundated my mind.
Tears welled up in my eyes and started rolling down my face.
Unable to stop them, I began kneeling by the side of my bed and eked out these words, “Lord, help me.”
I later learned by Googling “Is it normal to feel sad when child goes off to college?” that I was suffering from what psychologists call the empty nest syndrome.
What Is Empty Nest Syndrome?
This is an emotional phenomenon in which parents experience sadness and loss when the last child leaves home according to the Mayo Clinic.
Is this what’s happening to you?
Are you feeling overjoyed and battling anxiety about your child’s accomplishments and his unknowns all in the same breath?
If that’s you, you’re not alone.
I was overtaken by waves of sadness and what-ifs, too.
I kept asking myself, “Is this healthy?”… “Is this how I’m supposed to feel?”
“Oh, my God, this hurts so bad,” is what I constantly caught myself saying as time was nearing for him to go off to college.
I couldn’t fully enjoy one of those milestones in the parental journey of life because I was worried about the negatives.
Although I always encouraged my son to be independent, it was emotionally painful for me to let go. Emptying out the nest seemed like emptying out a part of me.
For approximately two decades as a stay-at-home mom, my life revolved around my two sons — — their homework, sports, friends, school assemblies, church events, etc.
That way of spending time together and bonding with each other had become our system and my identity.
I want to share my story to help you cope with the gut-wrenching emotional pain you may be feeling because your “baby” is leaving “the nest.”
I want to help you cope with the sense of loneliness, just like I did.
And I want to help you re-define yourself and move forward, just like I did.
Here’s some advice to help you overcome:
· Know that you have been preparing him or her all along to be independent. Even though you may have mixed emotions, this is the time to see your smart parenting at work.
· Find an inspirational message to read every day to encourage yourself. Here’s an example. It’s more than just reading words. The message reaches to the depth of the soul to help you heal.
· Stay in touch with your child regularly through phone calls, texts, emails, facetime, etc… Hearing his or her voice and seeing their face will help bring you peace. (This is what helped me a lot!)
· Seek support from family and friends who have children that have recently left home. Exchanging stories will help give you comfort in knowing how others felt and how they pulled through.
· Focus on yourself in different ways by finding new interests and starting new hobbies of something you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have the time before now. Try learning a new language on Duolingo and even through conversation on Italki.
· Travel to experience other cultures and meet new people… to get in touch with yourself and appreciate your life and the important role you had for years. You don’t have to travel to another country. You can travel to another state or to another city in your own state to explore a new culture. Challenge yourself now.
· Be proud of yourself. You’ve helped your child accomplish a lot over almost two decades. You’ve earned this free time. Now, it’s time to set new goals, fulfill new desires, and enjoy this new lifestyle as a parent of adult children.
· Tell yourself this chapter has successfully ended and you can move forward. Mission accomplished!
I applied each piece of advice except talking to others who had recently gone through the same situation. I didn’t know anyone who had at the time. As a result, I held the pain inside. (And that’s not healthy AT ALL.)
It’s Different For Each Person
Everyone’s situation is different and each person experiences pain at different levels.
I have to admit, I didn’t come to grips with the separation or my crying until after his sophomore year in college.
But in the midst of my sadness, I did start moving forward and eventually found a new identity. I did what I’m telling you to do.
WORRYING IS NORMAL — — CONSTANT WORRYING ISN’T.
If you feel depressed or the feelings of sadness don’t seem to be lifting, talk to your doctor or a health-care practitioner for treatment.
Long story short…
My son did fine adjusting to college life.
He connected with some of his professors… turned in assignments… didn’t do some… partied some… attended school activities… attended seminars related to his major (even one at Disney World)… joined a fraternity… ate fast foods and later decided healthy eating was better.
He and his roommate are still friends.
In fact, he has several new friends spread all across the country.
He came home during most school breaks and brought a friend or two with him.
And yes, he did graduate.
“Did he ever face an emergency situation?”
Yes, he did.
Was I scared?
Terrified!
But he handled it like the adult he had become AND he called to let me and his dad know about the situation.
By the time that emergency happened, I had let go of my sadness and irrational fears and trusted that God would take care of him like always.
And He did.
A New Beginning
You may feel the endless waves of sadness crashing on the shores of your once happy life.
Please know that life will get easier to handle. As you get acquainted with the “new” you, you will be able to adjust and you will find peace and happiness again.
Life is an ongoing learning process… for the young and the young at heart.
Thanks for reading this article and remember, take the time to celebrate the new you.
References:
Empty Nest Syndrome Article by The Mayo Clinic Staff at mayoclinic.org.
Recommended reading:
https://www.verywellfamily.com/signs-of-empty-nest-syndrome-4163787
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/empty-nest-syndrome
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