Move Over Big Goals, Micro Habits Maximize Well-Being.
Why Big Goals May Not Be a Good Strategy
As a corporate coach, I’m a fan of setting goals, of the “big, hairy, audacious” variety with coaching clients.
It’s not always the best approach for a consistent, well-being routine.
In the corporate world, I’ve worked with executives transitioning to leadership roles. Nervous speakers who need to wow a difficult audience. New managers tasked with building high-performance teams.
In these contexts, setting specific and challenging goals is the way to go. These types of goals have been categorically proven to lead to increased performance, persistence, and motivation compared to vague or easy goals. Fact. A 1000+ research studies validate this.
It can be tempting when we consider any behavior change to set BIG goals around it. NaNoWriMo-style writing. From couch potato to daily runner. Overnight vegan. Especially when we’ve had a Damascene moment after a health scare or job loss.
Having big dreams can be hugely motivating when we create a sustainable pathway to get there. Going big is a problem when we underestimate the effort required to accomplish and maintain this level of behavioral change. Without the support and scaffolding provided by an external coach or accountability buddy-think check-ins, feedback, insightful suggestions, tweaks-it’s too easy to fall short.
Statistics back this up. According to one study, an astounding 92 percent of those who set New Year’s goals don’t achieve them.
It’s not a new idea-changing our behavior through tiny incremental habits. James Clear and others have provided solid research and anecdotal evidence on how and why it works. Sometimes the hardest thing, when we’re indoctrinated to think big, is to begin small.
For me, when it came to my well-being, I had to pivot to tiny, incremental habit changes to make any progress. The demands of work, caring for a young family, aging parents, exercise, squeezing in writing, trying to meet up with friends …Like the proverbial hamster, I was spinning round and round without making real progress in any direction. Adding challenging well-being goals to the mix would have been untenable.
My priority was boosting my energy levels. I felt tired and below par a lot of the time. My instinct was that enhancing this would make progress in other areas easier.
Breaking it down there were three specific areas I wanted to improve.
Physical tiredness
A long (and completely unrealistic ) list of key projects and daily tasks
A lack of regular social Connection
The recommendation for effective behavior change is picking a small, easily achievable habit. A specific action that could, relatively seamlessly, become part of my daily routine. Tracking progress and staying accountable.
In terms of physical tiredness here were my quick wins
I upped the amount of water I drink. I began drinking water-a pint glass of warm water sometimes with a squeeze of lemon or ACV in the morning and evening and 1–2 glasses mid-morning and, mid-afternoon. I limited my coffee to max two. And I cut drinking alcohol at home. This was straightforward for me. I’m not a big drinker anyway and it’s more fun to have a glass or two of wine in a restaurant. Each of these habits was quick and easy to do.
They required me to be intentional rather than undertake a dramatic and difficult behavior change. Fairly quickly, I felt a bit brighter during the day, and a little more energized. I still don’t sleep enough but I’m almost ready to tackle that next.
While I’ve always walked a lot, I got more intentional about where I walked and made sure I got out in nature every day. It’s a very simple way for me to regain perspective and boost my energy.
In terms of overhauling my unrealistic list here’s what worked well
Each day, I identified 3 key items I wanted to complete/make progress on. For example, a particular client meeting or a work presentation. I scheduled a set amount of time to complete it (usually less time than I would normally spend), turned my phone off, and only focused on it. This was insightful in several ways. I had become undisciplined about checking my phone constantly.
Having it turned off was enough to enable me to focus a bit better on one critical project. I didn’t necessarily get everything completed in the allotted time. However, this approach gave me enough momentum to keep focused on the task at hand.
An important reminder for me was that I had much more energy at the end of the scheduled time when I only focused on one thing. This was a combination of satisfaction with the progress made and the sense of having been a bit closer to a flow state than my usual more scattergun approach.
Another learning was that part of my default to procrastination, particularly when it comes to writing, is my inclination to edit as I write. This encourages my inner critic to take center stage and every single thing I’ve written is wrong and needs to be done again. Not helpful. I plan my writing more, including intro and headlines, stick to allotted times and get up regularly from my desk for a quick walk.
Finally, I wanted to boost my social connections:
I get huge energy and pleasure from spending time with family and friends. Unfortunately, many of my nearest and dearest are scattered across cities and countries. Months can go by when we don’t see each other. I set myself a target a few months ago to have at least one social get-together every week with a friend (if not possible in person at least on Zoom) and to arrange and schedule get-togethers with my distant friends over the year.
It’s interesting what’s happened. I went back to playing tennis. It’s just once a week and having it calendared enables me to connect and catch up with other players. I’ve made a point of having at least one coffee a week with a parent friend from my kids’ school. It’s quick and easy to fit in and it reinforces that sense of connection and belonging. I’ve made arrangements with long-standing friends scattered across cities and countries. I met one for dinner over the summer and another I’m going on a weekend abroad with. The anticipation of scheduled time with friends and family, as well as the actual time together, is energizing.
I’m a few weeks into these micro habits. Some of these tiny, incremental changes are becoming part of muscle memory. By starting small, I’m hopeful I can attain big results with enduring impact.
