Why You Fail at Self Discipline and How To Fix This
The path you take determines your results — forever
When I was in primary school, many of my classmates, myself included, were into drawing. A break, or even a lesson, could hardly pass by without anyone sketching something. The most popular style was either manga (Japanese comics) or something approximating it.
Because all my friends drew, I started doing it as well. Actually, it was their pretty sketches that motivated me to pursue the same hobby.
Yet, one classmate of mine visibly differed from the rest — let’s call her Alice. Whenever Alice touched a pencil, a magnificent picture would emerge. Without a doubt, she was ‘the talented one.’
The most characteristic thing about Alice was that she only drew what she found enjoyable. Nonetheless, everyone still praised her sketches, and she was our art teacher’s favorite.
I, at that time, also had my preferences and stuck to them. Yet, I researched how to learn to draw and found out that, to develop my skills, I needed to study the realistic style.
Trust me — it was boring as hell: for many months, I was only permitted to draw boxes, fruits, flowers, etc. At the same time, it was grievous to watch Alice sketch what she liked and still nail it while I had to ‘suffer’ like that.
Years later, when we all became teenagers, Alice still drew her pretty sketches. Yet, when you looked at what she had painted recently and one from years ago: there wasn’t much difference.
I, on the other hand, finished my rigorous training and could return to my beloved manga. And you know what? My progress was not only enormous but visible throughout the years.
Yes, I had to draw boring stuff, but it brought me to a level unrivaled by my classmates.
So what is the moral of this story?
Are you a pro or a permanent amateur?
With pretty much any skill, there are two paths you can take: the path of the amateur and the pro. None is intrinsically preferable — it all depends on your goals.
Let’s start with the amateur. What amateurs pursue are the effects: they want to see them fast, and they want them to be big. They’re ready to forgo the basics and move straight to flashy and sparkly successes.
The pros, however, keep it cool. They know that to achieve mastery, you need steady focus and a solid foundation. Thus, they’re conscientious about developing even the most basic skills
At first, it’s no fun to be a pro: while everyone does what they like and yet nails it, the pro sticks with their monotonous exercises.
Yet, with time it is the pros that reap the highest rewards because they developed the right habits, which accelerated their progress.
Now: being an amateur is only an obstacle if you pursue excellence. Otherwise, it’s okay to ignore the rules and have fun instead. However, there is a risk that you unconsciously follow the path of the amateur in areas where you need greatness.
Are you serious about your personal development?
One of these areas is nothing else but your self-discipline. Think about it: how do most people go about their personal development?
I’ll tell you:
New Year’s (ambitious) resolutions → trying hard for a month → giving up → going back to how it was.
Relating to what I was saying before: why do these people (perhaps you included) fail each New Year?
Because they (unknowingly) follow the path of the amateur. They choose one of the most challenging (but also rewarding) goals there are and expect to nail them.
Changing behavior isn’t that easy.
Do you want to approach your most ambitious resolutions? Sure you do! So, take the path of the pro once and enjoy the benefits forever! You need foundations, not alluring promises.
Without them, everything you do will collapse sooner or later.
Are you up for the challenge? Can you put off the instant gratification for a while and focus on your training?
If so, keep reading.
Where to begin
What would you like to accomplish? Going to the gym three times a week? Not eating added sugar? Or maybe studying/working for x hours every day? All these are great, but they aren’t fit for building the foundations of self-discipline.
Why? Because they’re too hard for a start! It’s like wanting to draw human faces without being able to shade a 3D box…
Trust me, pursuing this approach is super counterproductive.
#1 Set up a habit/goal tracker
If you could do only one thing for your self-discipline, it should be monitoring your progress. Or, the difference between your intended and actual behavior.
This meta-analysis has shown that out of 26 interventions to change human behavior, tracking was the most effective. The researchers analyzed the results of 122 studies involving 44 747 participants as evidence.
And trust me, rarely do you find such enormous data in psychology. Thus, monitoring is not an option but a necessity. Without it, it’s easy for everything to fall apart without you noticing.
This is why the biggest failures happen when you stop tracking your progress. On the other hand, those who persist in it despite difficult life periods get out of them much faster than those who let go.
#2 Build up to the challenge
Once you have a goal tracker, you can finally add something to monitor. But, as I mentioned before, it cannot be too hard. Remember, we’re laying the foundations here.
Before you go for the most ambitious goals, you need to build up to the challenge. The path is as follows:
- Choose a tiny goal.
- Achieve a success streak in it for at least a week.
- Add another slightly more challenging goal.
- Find a way to keep up with it.
- Once it stops being difficult, add the next goal.
And so on, and so on.
Of course, this isn’t the only thing you should be doing, but the only thing to keep track of. Strive to make each day your best one, but don’t account yourself for it.
Key Takeaways
Amateurs go for the shining objects, and pros lay the foundations. If you are aiming for excellence, you need to be a pro.
In personal development that means tracking your progress and developing your self-discipline muscle. You do that by slowly increasing the difficulty of your goals.
All in all, have patience — it pays off.
