Wrong > Right: Everybody Wants To Be Right, Only The Successful Want To Be Wrong
Right is better than wrong.
I’m sure that we can agree that in our lives, we’ve all been fed (in some capacity) that right is right and wrong is wrong.
And what follows this general understanding is a concept, or rather, a frame of life, which we have accepted as gospel truth.
This position seems to be that as long as we are in pursuit of the ‘right’ then we can never be led astray, or more plainly, we can never be wrong.
However, in one of his talks, Jordan Peterson argues the opposite; he says,
“it’s often more important to notice that you’re wrong than prove you’re right.”
But why?
How could that possibly be true?
Being right/correct is evidence of your competency, right?
It’s evidence that you’re an achiever, that you’re a hard-worker, that you’re capable, smart, strong, skilled, prepared etc.
Furthermore, often it’s those who are incapable, dumb, weak, unskilled, underprepared, lazy, or even simply uninterested who are wrong.
And, in many situations, the above conclusions aren’t too far from the truth.
It makes sense, why we would rather be seen to be right than accept the reality we’re wrong.
I mean, look at the characteristics—who wouldn’t?
Even when these very pieces are being edited, and my errors are circled and addressed unmistakably, my initial instinctive response is to find an angle where I am right.
Often, when we know we’re wrong, we even try to compromise.
I’ve even gone as far as to propose situations where my mistakes can appear right alongside my editor’s corrections.
It’s all to avoid looking wrong.
However, it comes with a cost.
Peterson argues that there is something significant about being wrong, and more specifically, that there is something significant that follows being wrong.
Everyone needs that something
Peterson says,
“every time you learn something; you learn because something you did, didn’t work and that exposes you to the part of the world that you don’t understand.
Every time you’re exposed to the part of the world you don’t understand, you have the possibility of rebuilding the structures you use to interpret the world.”
How’s that for a characterisation.
In our lives, we often try to pursue safety.
We try to pursue agreement.
We try to pursue like-minded individuals.
We try to pursue people who are just like us, because there is a slimmer likelihood for friction and conflict.
And this is the same for the pursuit of being right.
It leads to nothing new, it’s familiar — it’s right.
Contrarily, Jordan argues that the right way to live is to pursue things that take us out of this state of comfortability and comfort and safety — and being right.
His argument is twofold:
- It’s important to understand and accept that we’re wrong.
- It’s important to pursue situations, spheres and encounters that enlighten us — showing us how, why and where we are wrong.
And it’s all for the sake of change:
Whenever you accept you’re wrong, you gain the ability to rebuild the structures you use to interpret the world.
The power in world interpretation
Dr Bruce Lipton gives an incredible example of how important world interpretation is when he writes this conclusion in “The Biology Of Belief”:
“You are personally responsible for everything in your life, once you become aware that you are personally responsible for everything in your life.
One cannot be “guilty” of being a poor parent unless one is already aware of the above-described information and disregards it.
Once you become aware of this information, you can begin to apply it to reprogram your behaviour.”
I’m equally as ‘poor’ as the “poor parent”.
In fact, we’re all the “poor parent” in some way, shape or form.
Every time I try and justify my mistakes, to appear correct — I am disregarding them.
And as aforementioned, this disregard comes with a cost — the ability to change our interpretation of the world.
In Dr Lipton’s example, the opportunity of understanding a factual wrong would’ve led to a change in world view for the poor parent, which ideally would’ve influenced their behaviour and driven them to become a ‘good’ parent.
But this is dependent on the understanding and acceptance that they’re wrong.
Notice, if a ‘poor’ parent failed to understand that they were wrong and further refused to accept that reality, none of us would disagree that all the characteristics we initially associated with being wrong would apply.
We would rightly describe them as incapable, dumb, weak, unskilled, underprepared, lazy or even simply uninterested.
Right?
But in their world interpretation they are completely correct.
In their eyes, as a parent they aren’t “poor”, they’re an achieving, hard-working, capable, smart, strong, skilled, prepared, caring or even an extremely loving parent.
See the difference?
This difference is exactly why it isn’t enough to simply know you’re wrong but to accept it.
When we disregard our mistakes, we are in essence, glossing over our incompetency’s — burying truths.
In the hopes that we might fool others or even ourselves, we bury a truth about ourselves and choose to live in a fantasy of lies.
That’s what it means to disregard your mistakes.
That’s what it means to understand but not accept.
It allows room for there to be a convenient fantasy in place of your actual reality.
And that has after-effects.
As the ‘poor’ parent, your choice to live in a fantasy directly affects your children.
As the ‘procrastinator’, your choice to live in a fantasy where you can ‘sort it all out last minute’ — directly affects your habits and relationship with time, a precious commodity.
Every mistake you disregard has a consequence.
Whether you accept it or not.
The reality remains.
If the bad parent never accepts their fault in parenting, the consequence will be found in the relationship with their children — whether they accept it or not.
Whenever you refuse to see where you’re wrong, you deny somebody else and yourself a better reality.
But that choice is again, up to you.
What do you choose?
I know I’d rather notice I’m wrong, than prove that I’m right.
The answer is so simple:
- Understand and accept where you’re wrong.
- Pursue spheres where you’re wrong so you can change your world view.
Wrong > Right.
LM
