Nietzsche’s 4 Ways That Teach You How to Know Yourself
You can’t be yourself until you know yourself
Every motivational speaker tells people to be themselves. You might have heard the famous quote of Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” He is right and I completely agree with him. But there is one question I like to put up. Can anyone in the world be himself or herself without first finding out who he or she really is? I guess not.
That’s where the great German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche’s philosophies come in handy. He is one of the few philosophers who explored the questions of life beyond the horizon of Good or Evil. So I examined his views on How to find oneself. And boy was it exceptional.
“Finding yourself is one of the most fundamental endeavours of life” — Nietzsche
Here’s my interpretation of his four steps to finding one’s true self.
1. The higher man requires his solitude and freedom from the herd
“Can you remember who you were,
before the world told you who
you should be.”
— Charles Bukowski
Nietzsche says that the first and the foremost thing that has to be done on the journey to find ourselves is to separate ourselves from the herd mentality. Don’t follow the herd and their concepts.
What is this herd mentality? Herd mentality is the thought process that
- advocates sameness of ideas and point of view
- prefers comfort over misery and suffering
- supports the preservation of existing values and system (even if it is wrong, outdated or harmful)
People belonging to such a mentality reject anything new and unique which is even slightly different from their viewpoint. One of the fundamental arguments of such people is “This is morally wrong”. Nietzsche believed that morality is just a fiction used by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men. Because superior men have the determination to do those things for which inferior men couldn’t even muster the required courage.
Those with the potential to rise above the mediocre mass, are pressured into becoming a smaller, almost ridiculous type, a herd animal, something eager to please, sickly, and mediocre.” (Beyond Good and Evil)
Morality is imposed to control human behaviour. Such control often limits the individuality of a person and results in the death of creativity. That’s why most people today suffer from emptiness because they can’t discover what their passion is.
The ones who do get a glimpse of something unique inside them become rebellious. And all of their energy is wasted in breaking the societal chains, leaving none left for creative work. Ultimately, they end up choosing the wrong paths in life. Hence, repression is the cause of evil in our society.
However, if the society were flexible with the views and rules, then those who have different views don’t have to be rebellious to do whatever they want to.
“The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.” — Nietzsche, The dawn (1881)
Society ostracises anyone who is slightly different from it. We all have been made fun of by our peers in the school because we did something different from the acceptable standards or simply because we looked different. Such incidents instil life long fears in the minds of children. They then don’t want to stand out in fear of being rejected by their peers.
That’s why standing out seems so terrifying and dangerous to us. We are afraid of the unknown.
Here’s a recent example of it. I haven’t shaved my face since 2016 because I like keeping a beard. During the pandemic, it grew even bigger because all the saloons were closed. In India, mostly Muslims and Sikhs keep a beard. I, however, am a Hindu. So, almost everyone in my society told me to get it trimmed because and I quote, “You Look more Muslim than a Hindu”.
Such people are afraid of the change. They are afraid to see anything changing not only in themselves but also in anyone in their vicinity. They want to live in the past forever.
Why are they afraid of the change? They are afraid because they don’t want to accept that they haven’t realised their potential till now. And having so many years wasted without discovering, they fear they might die without ever realising their real potential. Such acceptance is terrifying. The realisation is so scary that the only way to make it not true is to pull the ones climbing the ladder down to their level.
How to get freedom from the herd mentality:
The first step to getting freedom from the herd mentality is developing a sense of questioning. We have been conditioned to be afraid of our true individuality by society which includes — Our parents, Our teachers, Our friends, Our media, Our culture, Our religion and Our government.
Question everyone and everything. It doesn’t mean post your views on social media. That’s again rushing to another type of herd. You don’t know yet whether or not you are right. So, you have to question even yourself. Don’t rush to accept a thought. Just, learn to stay with your thoughts in solitude. Nothing more has to be done.
Continue questioning, without concluding.
2. Embrace the difficulty and misery of self-discovery
“The concept of greatness entails being noble, wanting to be by oneself, being able to be different, standing alone and having to live independently.” (Beyond Good and Evil)
Let’s accept it, we are all a bunch of ungrateful people. However, it’s not entirely our fault. Technology and unimaginable progress have made us so.
We don’t have to toil for anything. There is an app to deliver food to us. The vehicles are there to take us anywhere without us getting tired. We don’t have to put much effort to get things for which our ancestors ran pillar to post.
As a result, we have forgotten that suffering is an integral part of life. Thus, whenever life makes us suffer a little bit, we think the universe is acting against us and everyone is happy except for us. We all want to spend the day like a king. But we want to sleep soundly at night like a tired labourer. How can we get both? It’s not possible. Sound sleep is the reward of toiling the entire day.
“It’s only when we are willing to face the challenge of life that we grow spiritually”
Suffering is important for growth. It is integral to growth. When a piece of iron is heated and beaten up, then only it becomes strong enough to support a building. Embracing difficulty prepares it for the future.
To find yourself and to discover your true potential, says Nietzsche, choose the difficult path — the first of which is
ISOLATION:
Isolation is a blessing in true terms. I’m telling you this from a personal experience. I kept myself isolated for almost 6 years (2015–2020). It was immensely painful at first. The first few years were nothing less than hell. I was alone. No one to talk to. No one to share anything with. I wasn’t on any social media. I even changed my phone number. I lived just with myself for 6 years. But you know, back in 2015, I had no plan to become a writer. Heck, I had no idea that there was a writer inside me. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I can write. And yet here I am. That’s the gift of isolation.
Remember, being alone is not easy. It takes time for loneliness to turn into solitude. Loneliness is painful. It will suck everything out of you. Solitude is positive. It will show you a side of you that you have never seen.
“No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself”
Now after 6 years I can say, every pain, every heartbreak, every tear, every failure was worth it.
Why isolation is necessary? It is necessary because we have been primed by society since childhood. All ‘What Ifs’ and irrational fears are the results of years of priming. Time is required to unlearn all those fallacious self-doubts. And unlearning cannot happen if we keep living among the ones who instilled those doubts in us.
CAUTION: This will make you a loner. Isolation means changing your lifestyle. It means giving up friendship and relationships, even blood ones for until you find yourself. Because only when you are alone can you look deep, straight into the eyes of your fears. Only then you can analyse the cause of your deepest emotions.
How to do:
“The struggle is inner. The struggle to find yourself is a much more difficult quest that requires a very different kind of sacrifice”- Nietzsche
Step 1) Isolate yourself. Wait for the emotions to dominate you.
Step 2) Once emotions become hard to bear, acknowledge them. Just tell yourself that you are feeling this emotion. For example, Saying I am feeling angry. I am feeling sad.
Step 3) Write the possible reason for feeling that emotion in a diary. If you can’t think of one, leave the reason column empty for now. Come back later. However, if you can see but can’t accept something as the possible reason, DO NOT IGNORE IT. Write it down, then and there.
Isolation has the power to show you things you don’t even think exist. This exercise will be very frightening at first. Especially when you have to accept some truth about your loved ones. Do not cave in and take the easy path. Be with your own self. Be your own strength. Otherwise, you’ll go through life in a meaningless way, suffering each passing day, just living without being alive.
‘You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.’-Bob Marley
Learn to embrace your dark side. Become friends with the darkness inside you. Challenge your inner demons.Sit with the thoughts that you never tell anyone, not even yourself. Do not suppress them. However wild and frightening they might be, accept them. There is a deep meaning they always have been carrying. You’ll see them eventually and I promise you’ll rise above them.
“How far you’ll go depends of the price you’re ready to pay”
3. He Who Has a Why to Live Can Bear Almost Any How
Nietzsche says the one who has discovered the real why of being born into this world can bear almost any obstacles, misery or failure. To find the ‘why’ which fits our personality, we have to say Yes to everything and anything which even remotely gives meaning to our lives.
Nietzsche suggests 3 ways to find meaning in life.
- Replacing religion- Replace religion with Philosophy, Art, Literature, Theatre, History or any other part of humanity. In my opinion, you can replace it with religion also as long as you study the similarities, the differences and the hypocrisies of all the religions of the world without being biased.
Humanities offer us the ability to investigate our sufferings and efforts in depth. They help us see how our lives are similar to those around us. They develop a sense of empathy in us. They teach us how we should tackle problems we all ought to face in life.
What we have to do is choose one of the subjects of humanities and study it as a passion — neither as an academic subject nor to impress someone with cool facts.
For eg. Read history not just for the dates and facts, but for what those facts tell you. Watch a sad movie not just to pass time but to understand the beauty in sad events of life. - Becoming Ubermensch: If humanities don’t interest you, the second way Nietzsche suggest is to become an Ubermensch. Ubermensch literally translates into Superman. Nietzsche claims that human is a bridge between animal and Ubermensch. This means he has come quite far from being an animal but the animal inside him has not died yet. That’s why he is the bridge and his final goal is to Become a Superhuman. You can read more about how human is a bridge here.
An Ubermensch, says Nietzsche, is a superhuman who creates his own meaning and values without getting influenced by anything outside his being.
According to him, only a few men in history came close to being an Ubermensch, namely: Julius Caesar, Napoleon Bonapart, The Buddha and Goethe. I would like to add two more to the list: Krishna and Osho.
How to start walking on the path to becoming an Ubermensch: Reconsider your whole life and ask yourself what you really like and what you like just because society wants you, expects you or tells you to like it. You have to find your own meaning and gladly own it — do not borrow it from some ancient book or a motivational speaker. Society may ostracise you or even kill you, still, you have to take full responsibility for it.
3. Amor fati: Amorfati literally means the love of fate. Nietzsche, in the third way, tells us to love our life — no matter what it has in it, had in it or will have in it. We have to love our fate. We have to learn to celebrate everything that has happened in our life — the good, the bad, the heartbreak, the failure, the lost love, the withered relationship, the forgotten friendship, the dejection, the suffering, the delays, the lost opportunities. Without all those happening in the exact intensity and sequence, we wouldn’t be what we are today.
As we start loving our fate, we see the uniqueness in our journey. We’ll see how beautiful it has been so far. Remember that cup of tea you drank while reading something funny on WhatsApp. Remember that evening when the sunset was so beautiful that you couldn’t stop yourself from clicking the pic. You forgot it. Didn’t you? See, similarly, Our life has been so beautiful so far that we can’t even imagine. The problem is that we remember bad events far too much leaving no room for the good moments in our memory.
Trust me, once you start appreciating every passing second, you’ll find the meaning out of chaos and absurdity in your life.
4. Your True Values Are Better Than Any Borrowed Values of the Highest Order
What if some day or night a demon were to steal into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: “This life as you now live and have lived it you will have to live once again and innumerable times again; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unspeakably small or great in your life must return to you, all in the same succession and sequence — even this spider and this moonlight between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus?”
If our life, says Nietzsche, were to be repeated an innumerable number of times, we might get disappointed and sad. Because the very first thought we have is that we have to live through every pain once again. We don’t even consider that all the happy events will also be repeated.
This is because we are carrying the greatest weight of the past on our shoulders. Greatest weight, says Nietzsche, is the feeling that crushes us into repeating past mistakes, because of the unevaluated values we adopt from society. This includes all the painful events of the past that makes us suffer when we repeat them over and over again in our mind.
To lift the greatest weight, we need to create our own values in life. To create such values, Simply ask yourself ‘what am I doing?’ — in this job, in academics, in the relationship, in friendship. Be true to yourself just once and answer this — Is what you are doing really meaningful? Or are you just acting out what this society thinks is right?
How to check your answer: Ask yourself, can you repeat what you are doing an innumerable number of times? The job, the subjects in college, the relationship — no matter how many times society tells you that everyone lives the same way — ask yourself, are they worth repeating eternally?
If your answer is ‘they are not’, then you are a slave to your society and worse yet, a slave to yourself. Society is afraid of your wild nature. It is afraid of your naturalness. So, it starts cutting your wings from childhood. They shape you the way they were shaped by their ancestors.
Development vs growth
There is a difference between development and growth. We can grow rich. We can grow in the stages of a relationship. We can grow in a career but that doesn’t mean we have even an iota of development in his life. If we haven’t evaluated our morals imposed on us by our society, we aren’t a fully developed individual yet.
Once we re-evaluate our moral landscape, only then “the greatest weight” can be lifted off our shoulders. Look closely, We are just trying to be a good son, a good daughter, a good husband, a good wife, a good boyfriend, a good girlfriend and a good friend by the standards of society. And believe me, that’s not worth it. Our not picking up a phone call when we feel down does not make us bad. Our walking away from any toxic relationship should not feel like an emotional burden.
How to do:
In every little thing, ask yourself — Do I deserve this once more and an innumerable number of times over. If the answer is NO — you need to re-evaluate the morals and values in order to break the invisible chain of society around your neck. Use the chart below to find everyone and everything that limits your freedom in any way.
Strategies:
- Talking: Talk to the people about how they or their attitude affect you. Tell them upfront about how you would like it to change. If they don’t change it, go to step 2.
- Walking Away: Life is too short to spend around toxic people or in soul-sucking events. If you find any event, thing or people limiting you, leave them.
Leaving someone doesn’t mean they are not good people, it just means they are not our type. We attract our type once we know ourselves better.
“True good lies beyond the standard definitions of good and evil”
Final Takeaway
“There is only one sin in the world and that is to die before meeting one’s true self”- Osho
Most of us live our lives in self-imposed jail. Many of us submit to the comfort of this jail. It’s time to break free from this jail. Awaken yourself and become rebellious against all those feelings and thoughts which tell you to settle for less. Break the chains — of tradition, of religion, of society, of friendship and even of the family — that hold you back.
We don’t have to make it a violent or showy reaction. It should be a peaceful but definite one. There is no coming back once we take a step forward. And trust me, it’s worth it. It is scary but it is worth every sacrifice.
To find ourselves, we have to first lose ourselves.
If you don’t go out alone and experience things first hand, in the state of awareness, you cannot claim that you lived even once. Isolate yourself. Embrace the solitude. Go out. You and your inner self are already two people. You don’t need anyone else. Do new things. Do what scares you and you shall find yourself.
