Strategies That Will Help You Deal With Rejection
Learn from rejection rather than dwelling on it, and bounce back to reaching for your goals.
Fear of rejection comes down to the fear of asking.
People who are afraid of being rejected never grew the confidence to ask.
Bold statement. But, let’s think about it. Maybe some people never learnt to ask, and that’s how the ‘cycle’ of rejection began: with the simple and wrong thought, “I don’t get this because I don’t deserve it.”
There’s something more meaningful and comforting to that sentence than the reality that they don’t get something simply because they have never asked for it.
You’re a person like anyone else; you have life and you have a responsibility to look after it, to help it grow, and reach places you never thought you’d reach.
If you know you need something, or even get the suspicion you need something, ask for it.
If you are rejected, don’t take that as the final answer, but ponder on if you didn’t get it for a good reason? Was it a good reason or not?
If it was not a good reason, improve yourself and find another way of asking.
There’s a metaphor that’s worth hearing -
When the wind blows in the field, the wheat bows its head to it, and then it bounces back up again. When the wind is a gale, the wheat’s stems are broken and it lies flat in the field.
We are like wheat in the way that the forces of others make us sway but we bounce back to our rightful, strong position. However, when someone else’s will is too strong, especially when we are growing, they may break our delicate stems and our own will is shattered. However, unlike wheat, we can build ourselves back up, strong and ready to reach for the skies and the sun, as we were intended to.
The Solution
The Porcupine Effect: Redefining Rejection recommends listening to the intention behind the words you hear instead of hearing a phrase. Perhaps these words trigger a discouraging memory and leaves you feeling rejected: you may hear rejection even when there is none.
Step back and see the context of an interaction in the relationship it belongs to. If the intention of the other person is to create distance between themselves and you, then try to see it from their perspective, and be respectful of their wish. If you are confused, help yourself learn exactly what happened, why they responded the way they did, and why.
Many rejections are a result of the other person’s lifestyle, personality, or other ingredients. Perhaps they are too busy maintaining the friendships they already have, when you search for friendship. Perhaps they feel superior to you. But if one is too busy, then it’s simply not the right time for a friendship to begin, and if one is arrogant, then it doesn’t sound like a helpful friendship to cultivate. In either case, these responses are as a result of their lives, not yours entirely, so it should not be taken personally and at least part of the failed relationship remains the other person’s responsibility.
In essence, don’t be too harsh on yourself, and don’t be too self-indulgent. We are all imperfect beings learning how to make sense of this life.
Sometimes rejection hurts because you’ve hurt someone else and hence they are creating distance with you. When this happens, your emotion can help you become more aware of the stumble you might have made. When you scrutinize the situation more closely, it can help you figure out if any action should be taken to heal a wound in order to maintain a long, healthy relationship with them. But they’re not perfect either, and if they reject your offer, that’s what they need to do at this moment in time.
For example, a misunderstanding between friends could be rectified with a thoughtful gesture to prove your loving intentions, or some time apart might be necessary to offer hindsight and a fresh slate to continue with.
Bear in mind, just because an emotion feels like rejection, it does not mean you are actually being rejected.
If you experience the pain of rejection excessively, perhaps your reaction is creating more harm than the “rejection” itself. This can come from entrenched thoughts, that have a huge impact on the way you act and the opportunities you can take as a result of that.
These thoughts are yours and you can change them with enough cognitive awareness.
Dr Monica A. Frank says you can help change your reactions by writing down what happened as factually as possible, followed by writing down all your speculative thoughts on another page, and comparing the two lists to see if there are factual foundations for the thoughts you have. If there’s no good reason for a speculation, cross it out. This can be an effective way of getting rid of depressing or disillusioned thoughts.
Given this overview, you can decide what you can achieve and want to achieve in this situation, in a way which is appropriate for this case. Perhaps there is nothing you need to pursue because this opportunity is better not to be followed and you will continue your search elsewhere. Or, perhaps you see a mistake you made and you will try to fix it, for both the sake of others and yourself.
In the end, the emotion of rejection is an alert to look more closely and evaluate your actions in the situation.
See this as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, clarify your uncertainties, and grow a little bit more before you move on, to other destinations.
This interaction is an opportunity to see other people’s perceptions of you.
However, when you see someone else’s opinion that you don’t agree with, you begin to forge your own to stand strong and counter theirs. It’s a challenge to stand up for your own values.
J. K. Rowling, the writer of the Harry Potter books, is a great example of someone who had her manuscripts rejected many times, but continued to achieve unprecedented success. She continued believing in herself. It’s possible these experiences made her even stronger and more dedicated to making her book as good as it could be, and believing in her idea, all against the odds.
When dealing with rejection, don’t get discouraged. Don’t forget about the more positive interactions you’ve had, and keep evaluating the good things you’ve done to get happy, kind reactions!
Ultimately, those perceptions belong to others and they don’t mean half as much as your own convictions do.
Rejection is an opportunity to gain useful information before you alter your mindset or plans for reaching what you want to achieve.
