Women Watch Porn Too, Even Us Married Moms

If you have a problem with that, you can take your shame and shove it

Pornography has been blamed for failed marriages, sexual dysfunction and even ruined several political careers. We’ve been told porn consumption is just as toxic and damaging as drug abuse.

Movements and initiatives aimed to censor or ban pornography have led us to believe that they’re saving us from the terrors of our own devilish sexual explorations.

Truth is, we actually know very little about the effects of pornography.

The anti-porn movement promotes total abstinence from pornography, or you’ll have to face the consequences of your sins — right along with a heaping serving of sexual shame — heavy enough to topple your paper plate at the next congregation pot luck.

The truth is that aside from the piles of political and moral positions concerning pornography — we know very little about any of the effects of porn consumption.

Those claiming pornography consumption is a gateway drug to human sex trafficking are missing the bigger picture — human sexuality is nuanced and our preference for sexual stimulus is rarely politically or socially aligned with the person we present to the world.

My Middle School Sex Ed Teacher was a liar.

If you’re like me, maybe you just accepted the notion that porn addiction is real and most things in life that are addictive are bad — therefor porn = bad.

Since the topic of pornography rarely comes up in everyday life, most of us take a while to challenge our long-held beliefs about it. Eventually, we realize our Middle School Sex Ed Teacher was a lying son of a gun, and sex isn’t bad and scary but fun and pleasurable.

Oh, and pornography?

The porn nay-sayers and moral activists have been quick to acknowledge the potential harm, but spend very little time considering the potential benefits of pornography.

Lucky for you, I’ve done some research of my own.

As a fairly innocent mid-30’s Midwestern mom who’s just hitting her sexual stride — here’s what I know:

Women enjoy porn too, they’re just ashamed to talk about it publicly.

Sexual shame keeps us quiet.

Of course, it’s more nuanced than that — some people feel porn perpetuates negative stereotypes about race, gender, violence, sexual orientation, etc.

Or they think watching porn is comparable to cheating — although, I’m going out on a limb to say that anyone who feels this way likely has never watched porn with an open mind and/or properly masturbated in their life.

Others fear the social backlash of being an outcast (good girls don’t watch porn, right?) and choose vanity or silence over authenticity.

But guess what?

I watch porn.

Yep, I do.

In fact, I credit porn for helping me overcome a boatload of my own sexual shame.

Those of us who’ve experienced sexual shame often lack the confidence to ask for what we want in the bedroom. Rarely expressing our sexual needs and desires — because of the misguided assumption, that good girls do what they’re told.

Before my husband and I started watching it together, we struggled to find an effective way to communicate exactly what we each wanted in the bedroom. It’s much easier to turn to your partner and say “can we try that one tonight.”

If you are a visual learner and you want to improve your sex life — porn can be a great option.

Porn is constantly evolving and can be incredibly informational. With the introduction of ethical porn and sites featuring real couples like Make Love Not Porn, there are a lot of options aside from PornHub.

For us, porn served as a free education on sexual satisfaction and gratification. Why would anyone turn away a free education — especially when it comes with a happy ending?

A message to other women who watch porn.

I see you and I’m sorry.

I’m sorry the world has told you that your sexual desires are dirty.

I’m sorry we have been conditioned to believe that we should either repress our sexual desires into oblivion or hide them away from the world.

I’m sorry that men have been allowed to biologically explain away their brutish sexual appetites, yet women are forced to play the role of a pristine virgin to avoid becoming a social outcast.

Most of all, I’m sorry that you’ve been silenced and I want you to know there are plenty of other women just like you and me.

Women enjoy exploring sexuality and find watching porn is one of the many ways to do so.

It’s not up to them.

For now, the decision is ours.

There is no ban on pornography and as long as we can avoid the in-your-face religious and political organizations trying to make us feel ashamed for being who we are — we are free to watch as much or as little porn as we’d like.

Besides, isn’t it our choice whether or not to engage in consensual pleasure-seeking debauchery on our own terms — perhaps one day even without the myriad of stigma and guilt society is serving?