We are family! Great, so you’re toxic?
Toxic behavior is not only limited to your personal life, but can also occur in your workplace. I talked about bad leadership previously, but what about toxic co-workers?
Disclaimer: This blog contains humor that some readers may find disturbing.
As a Consultant, you often don’t get to decide where you will be assigned. Consequently, four scenarios can result:
- You love the role and your coworkers.
- You hate* your role and your coworkers.
- You hate the role but love your coworkers.
- You love the role but hate your coworkers.
If scenario 1 happens to you, congratulations, you are one in a million. In the case of scenario 2, stay strong! But between scenarios 3 and 4, what do you think is better? I’ve experienced both and I would choose option 3 every time! That’s because I am relationship-oriented rather than task-oriented. Those who are relationship-oriented prioritize maintaining relationships over accomplishing tasks on time. Task-oriented people, on the other hand, focus on what people achieve more than whom they know. Nevertheless, in the end, no one likes unpleasant coworkers.
We Are Here for Work
Let’s be honest. It’s impossible to like everyone. It’s also utopian to want to get along with everyone. But we are all adults; we are at work. We don’t need to become best friends to be able to work together. But sometimes there are those colleagues who make work a living hell, just like that kid in school who raised their arm to remind the teacher that they forgot to check the homework.
I listed some toxic coworkers I encountered during the last few years and maybe you will have a deja vu or maybe you will even recognize yourself in it.
The Micromanager
Micromanagers are notorious for their need to control every aspect of a project or task, often smothering creativity and causing unnecessary stress. They hover over your shoulder, constantly requesting updates and revisions, thereby undermining your ability to work independently. Their lack of trust can lead to feelings of frustration and demotivation among team members. Dealing with a micromanager requires setting clear boundaries, communicating effectively about progress, and diplomatically asserting your expertise and capabilities.
The Gossiper
Gossipers thrive on spreading rumors, half-truths, and personal information about their colleagues. They create a culture of distrust and anxiety, as coworkers worry about their private matters becoming public. Gossipers often disguise their actions as harmless chatter, but the consequences can be far-reaching, damaging reputations and relationships. Combatting gossip requires promoting a culture of transparency and professionalism, addressing gossip directly when heard, and redirecting conversations to focus on work-related topics.
The Bully
In any workplace, the presence of a bully can create a toxic environment that affects everyone. Bullies use intimidation, aggression, or manipulation to assert dominance over their colleagues. They may belittle others, criticize their work unfairly, or even resort to personal attacks. Their behavior can wreck team morale and cause talented employees to leave. Addressing bullying behavior involves documenting incidents, confronting the bully directly if possible, and seeking support from HR or management to ensure a safe and respectful workplace for all employees.
The Backstabber
Backstabbers appear friendly and supportive to your face but undermine you behind your back. They may steal credit for your ideas, sabotage your projects, or spread lies to tarnish your reputation. Dealing with a backstabber requires vigilance and careful documentation of interactions. It’s crucial to build strong alliances with trustworthy colleagues and maintain open communication with supervisors to ensure your contributions are recognized and valued appropriately. Confronting a backstabber should be done cautiously, with clear evidence and a focus on maintaining professionalism despite their deceptive actions.
The Narcissist
Narcissists in the workplace are self-centered individuals who crave constant admiration and often place their own interests above the team’s goals. They tend to exaggerate their achievements, take undue credit for collaborative work, and deflect blame onto others when things go wrong. Narcissists can be charming and persuasive, which initially masks their toxic behavior, but their need for superiority eventually disrupts team dynamics and morale. Working with a narcissist requires setting firm boundaries, focusing on objective performance metrics, and ensuring that contributions from all team members are recognized and rewarded. It may also be necessary to involve higher management or HR to address any disruptive behavior constructively.
I Will Survive
Sometimes you just can’t avoid toxic colleagues. In case this happens to you, there are some things you can try to implement.
Set Boundaries
Clearly define your personal and professional boundaries. Let your toxic colleagues know what behavior is unacceptable. Maintain a polite yet firm stance to ensure they respect your space and time.
Build a Network of Trusted Co-workers
Build a network of supportive colleagues who understand the situation. Having allies can provide emotional support and practical advice. If necessary, seek guidance from a mentor or counselor who can offer an objective perspective.
Stay Focused on Important Goals
By keeping your eye on your key objectives, you can minimize distractions and avoid getting entangled in negativity. Prioritize tasks that align with your professional growth and the overall success of your team or organization.
Strive for a Strong Work-Life Balance
Managing stress and maintaining your mental health is crucial. Engage in activities outside of work that help you relax and recharge. Regular exercise, hobbies, and spending time with friends and family can provide a necessary balance.
Know That Nothing Is Permanent
But in case the toxic environment doesn’t improve, it may be worth considering a transfer to a different department or even seeking employment elsewhere. Your well-being and job satisfaction are paramount, and sometimes leaving a toxic environment is the best course of action.
Stay Professional
Regardless of how toxic a colleague might be, maintaining your professionalism is crucial. Avoid engaging in gossip or retaliating in ways that could reflect poorly on you. Focus on your work and uphold a high standard of conduct. Sometimes being nice is the strongest weapon!
It’s Not You, It’s Them
Dealing with toxic people is hard, especially when spending almost every day for many hours with them. That’s why it is so important to always remind oneself that it is not you personally. What people say and do is often a reflection of themselves and not you. Maybe you could try to bring a little more lightness into the matter. You could create a personal bingo field with toxic behavior and whenever your colleague completes a row, column, or diagonal you can go “Bingo.” They will never know why you do this. And don’t underestimate how gratifying micro-aggressions can be. Your coworker doesn’t like the smell of fish? Guess who’s eating tuna every day!
“Some people are in such utter darkness that they will burn you just to see a light. Try not to take it personally.”
-Kamand Kojouri
*Please note that I use exaggeration as a narrative device.
Originally published at https://talkagiletome.substack.com on July 24, 2024.
