Power Ranking the People I Want Chad from The Bachelorette to Fight
Recently I discovered why ABC sacrifices an entire 2 hours of Monday primetime to The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. It’s perfect television, no way around it. You’re only reading this if you watch the show though, so I don’t have to explain Chad. He might be the best reality show contestant ever. The best part about him is that for as intolerable as he is, it’s actually ridiculously easy to side with him, because he makes a lot of great points. I never really was with the idea that you should be expected to make friends with other contestants on this show; if I’m contestant there’s absolutely no way I’m trying to get buddy-buddy with the other dudes, or caring about the way anyone else who’s trying to get the same girl as me feels. Maybe I wouldn’t go about dealing with it in the same way as Chad, but that’s why he’s the best reality show contestant ever and I’m generally mediocre. Here’s a power rankings of who most deserves to get dropped by Chad:
1. Evan
Easy choice right here. First off, shout out to the producers for punking him and making his occupation “Erectile Dysfunction Specialist.” There’s a lot of ways to make that sound better; maybe just Doctor? Great foreshadowing here. Second, Evan is the character this season that I yell profanities at the screen after every sentence he says. He’s just a super lame dude, and Chad was so spot on when he said that girls only choose guys like Evan when they need someone to clean up their lawn. Watching Chad bloody Evan’s nose for the 3rd time would be must-see television.
2. Alex
Alex was number one on this list last week, but Evan just really rubbed me the wrong way and I now despise him. That being said, Alex is 100% the guy who was on the dance team in high school.* Almost everything that has come out of this guy’s mouth has been about Chad, and nothing about himself or anything remotely resembling something that would make him stand out to JoJo. Not only is he infuriating, but he’s a Marine who’s in pretty good shape, which means a fight between him and Chad (also a former Marine) would most likely be a pretty good one.
*The Pine is a certified 100% inclusive, tolerant, safe space.
3. Robby
The disdain I have for Robby is almost purely based on his aesthetic. He looks like Leonardo DiCaprio with a poop emoji on his head and for that I hate him. He also told JoJo (or us, I can’t remember) that he was falling in love with her. It’s like episode 4 just get all the way out of here dude. Chad ruining this guy’s face would be a sight to behold.
4. Jordan
There isn’t anyone not cheering for Jordan Rodgers, right? James and Luke don’t seem half bad, but to say Jordan is a shoe-in for the Top 3 is an understatement. Betting on this guy to win is like betting on Alabama to make the CFP. I’m all in on him, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see him fight Chad. I hope Chad actually shows up at Jordan’s house, wherever that may be. Let’s hope cameras are rolling if he does.
