The Pink
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The Pink

Every Birthday I’ve Had Since 2018 Is A Blessing

In the January of 2018, I tried to take my own life.

Happy on my 23rd birthday this year.

In the January of 2018, I tried to take my own life.

*okay and breathe*

I was in my second year of university and I was struggling. A couple of months before January I had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and I had been prescribed antidepressants which were making me feel worse. I was feeling overwhelmed in my relationship, always worrying that I wasn’t good enough for him, and I was barely eating. I was starting to worry that I wasn’t academic enough for my degree, and nights out often ended in tears or self-harm.

It wasn’t a good time.

Midway through January, after a night out, I was drunk and alone and I decided that I would not be living past that night.

As you might be able to tell, I did live past that night. I was in the hospital for a day and was discharged alive, feeling pretty down and extremely guilty.

To be honest, the rest of that year was hard and celebrating my birthday that year was not easy. Despite how awful I felt after I had come out from the hospital, I still desired for the end to come. I dreaded the fact that my birthday signified another year of living tormented by my mental health. It seemed endless and pointless.

3 years later, and I am in recovery. There have been no attempts to unalive myself since January of 2018, and every January I celebrate. I also celebrate every May, my birth month because I am alive. I am alive. I am alive.

My birthday has since become a reminder that I am still here, sometimes suffering, but on the whole, it signifies that I have life within me.

Every birthday is another year that I get to celebrate life with my family, with my friends, with my pets, and with the whole world.

Life gets hard, it gets really hard, but every year, on my birthday, I get to tell myself that I am a success, simply because I am alive.

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Charlotte Dormoy

Charlotte Dormoy

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Hi, welcome. I’m new to Medium but I love writing about evidence-based lifestyle and personal stories. https://linktr.ee/workingwithwellness