Love In Time of Corona
4 Dating App Tips to Navigate Dating During the Pandemic…and Beyond
Dating can be tough enough as is, but dating during a global pandemic…well that’s just plain unfair. But, thankfully, it can be done. The key is not wasting your time(or exposure) on people who just aren’t going to work out for you in the long term. So how do we go about knowing that from a few pictures and a short description? Glad you asked…
1. No Means No
Let’s start with the basics, if someone on a dating app, is telling you they don’t want something, whether it’s kids, pets, or a relationship, believe them. I know it can be tempting, to think you might be able to change someone’s mind, or that if they only met you, or your dog, or got to know you better, or tasted your lasagna, etc. they might think differently. But that’s generally not the way it works, at least not the majority of the time.
If someone is saying right up front they don’t want a relationship, and you do, then you have to take them at their word. I know it might be tough because maybe they are so cute, or interesting, or fill out that vintage rock T just so, but there will be others. Others who have all of those qualities and more.. the more being the things you want too. Some people are cute, interesting, and look great in vintage, and also want relationships, pets, kids, or even just a quiet Saturday night spent at home.
We live in an abundant world, and living in the thought that no one else could have those qualities, is a lack mentality, my friend. Remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea, fish that want the things you want AND have the qualities you desire. So take them at their word, you have nothing else to go on. No kids, marriage, relationship, pets… means no kids, marriage relationship, or pets; regardless of rippling biceps or extraordinary musical talent, regardless of how amazing you, your lasagna, or your pets might be. No means no, my friends.
2. Choose Your Words Wisely
Most people, even during the pandemic, are not big fans of pre-date chit-chat. So make sure the words you do get in pre-date, or even during the first date, count. I know it may seem forward to try to assess if someone is open to a relationship, kids, cats, whatever, even before the first date, but even in dating outside of a worldwide pandemic, it is better not to waste anyone’s time(or exposure.)
So make sure you are asking the right questions. A simple “What are you on ___( fill in the dating app here )___ for? Will usually elicit some type of response that will provide you with info. While people might not actively volunteer information to you about what their true intentions are, most of them will not outright lie when asked. So do the asking.
If someone is only interested in a casual encounter or a friends with benefits situation, it’s better to know that now. If you are into those things too, great, full steam ahead, but if not, it is probably better to navigate towards calmer seas. It’s no harm no foul, it’s not about who’s right or wrong, or placing blame, it’s just about compatibility. We have probably all had moments in our lives where maybe we did just want some company without a long-term commitment tied to it. Maybe we had just gotten out of a long-term relationship, or a difficult breakup, or even just a tough time at work. There’s no need to throw someone on the chopping block for wanting something, or many somethings, different than what you want. But it is important to know that going into it.
Are some differences overcome -able? Of course. You don’t have to agree on every single thing to have a good relationship. You can have different tastes in music, movies, hobbies, Saturday date night locations, even differing love languages can be worked through, but if you are on the marriage, family, lifelong commitment path, and the person you are chatting with aren’t willing to make a plan past Saturday night, then you are going to have a problem. That is a situation that will ultimately end up being frustrating for both of you and at best end in disappointment and at worst in fights and tears.
So the best advice I can give, pre and during date numero uno, is to make sure you are at least matching up on the basics; goals, beliefs, world view, and the direction your love life and life, in general, are going. You can worry about their mismatched dish set, and overdependence on sarcasm, on dates number 2-eternity. But at least for the first round, make sure the big things are in the same category.
3. A Picture Is Worth 1000 Words
They say a picture is worth 1000 words, well on a dating app, make that 1001 words. The information you are receiving on a dating app can be pretty limited, so it’s important to take note of the information you are given.
Pictures can say a lot about where someone is in their life, what they are looking for and what they are generally all about. Think of it this way, there are usually about 4–6 picture slots on a dating app profile, so this person is probably choosing out of hundreds of possible pictures, the 4–6 they like the most or feel are the most reflective of them.
So if a 35-year-old man, picks a picture of him doing a keg stand, surrounded by a group of cheering onlookers, that is going to give you a pretty solid clue to what they are about, and where they are in their life. That person is probably still very much in a party phase of their life. So if you are in the settle down, marriage, kids, white picket fence stage of your life, this is probably not the person for you.
Or, if a person in three of their pictures, is posing with their two kitties, both of which you are highly allergic to, or generally do not like, then Fluffy and company might not be your best choice for a date. Or a person with multiple hiking and outdoor pictures, and your idea of an outdoor good time is a patio for brunch, then Hiker Joe there, might not be your best option. Again, no harm, no foul, but remember, it’s all about compatibility.
If you are being shown pictures that are indicating aspects of a person, their interests, or their lifestyle, that don’t vibe with yours, then why go any further? Why risk at minimum boredom, at maximum virus exposure, over something you are seeing from the get-go, just isn’t going to work. Not that you should immediately write someone off, if say they are into cycling and you aren’t, maybe that would be a new hobby you would like to try. But a professional cross country skier, and you, a person who hates snow, might not be a match made in heaven. The pictures are giving you clues, insights into the other person, so use them!
4. Let Your Intuition Be Your Guide
The greatest asset you can have in navigating dating apps or dating, in general, is your intuition.
How does it feel to you? Do their answers to you or the dating app’s questions, resonate with you? Do their pictures intrigue you? Did the date feel like you’d known them your whole life? Then great! Full steam ahead. But if you are feeling reservations, doubt, or a sense of general discomfort, it’s a no.
So listen to yourself, listen to your body, if someone is giving you stomach cramps instead of butterflies, it’s a no. If something someone says or does or suggests, makes you uncomfortable, it’s a no. Even if you’ve been talking a while, or have the first date set up, you can always change your mind. You’re allowed. No uniformed officer is going to jump out and take you to Bad Girl(or Person) Jail over changing your mind. If that were the case we would all be sitting uncomfortably in a cramped cell in the world’s most crowded jail. If you don’t feel good about a situation, you don’t have to go through with it. End of story.
On the flip side, just as your intuition can warn you of danger, it can also lead you in the direction of good things, things you maybe wouldn’t have initially been drawn to. For example, maybe for some reason you just can’t get that cross-country skier off your mind, even though you hate snow. Who knows, maybe that person will introduce you to a new hobby and maybe a new found love of snow. Ours is not always to question, my friends. Sometimes we just need to go with it.
If your intuition says yes, then it’s a yes. If your intuition says no, it’s a no. Simple as that. We tend to waaaay overthink it, especially in the dating realm. But we don’t have to. If someone is checking all your logic boxes- good job, nice car, cool haircut but there is some lingering ew factor you can’t quite place, take a pass. Or if someone is not in the industry, hobby, or lifestyle you thought you would be into, but they are giving you all the excited, interesting vibes, then go forth and date my friend. Your intuition knows best, despite what your mother may say. It is your dating life, so live it to the fullest. Use these steps to inform you, and your intuition to guide you, and there will be no stopping you, pandemic or no pandemic.
To Sum It Up
Dating apps are giving you clues and insights into a person’s general interests, hobbies, and lifestyle. But even with that information provided, it is important to do your own Sherlock Home’s style deducing. Whether that’s asking the right questions, taking someone at their word, evaluating the information their pictures are providing, or listening to your own inner detective, it is up to you to avoid as much disappointment (and exposure) as possible. It’s your dating life, so make it as fun, and virus free, as possible!
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