Re-Reading “Sex” by Madonna
A brief look into the intimate matters of the superstar Madonna
Only the one who hurts you can comfort you; only the one who inflicts the pain can take it away.
A lot of people are afraid to say what they want, and that’s why they don’t get what they want.
“Sex is not Love. Love is not Sex. But the best of Both worlds is created when They come Together.” These are the very first lines of the book “Sex,” Madonna wrote way back in 1992. Throughout this book, she seems to live up to the fantasies she ever dreamt of living. Madonna also transgresses many boundaries about the so-called “conventional sex.” She talks about the dialectics of pain and pleasure in Sex and the resulting alchemy of both. She redefines the limits of Sex in her peculiar way.
You may agree or disagree with her way of seeing Sex, but she does not care about it at all. The structure of the book is also one of a kind. The book has deliberately used blurred and hazy photographs. The book is also littered with undecipherable writing/printing. The book also uses some figures/images which often symbolises the genitalia.
In another way, one can think about this book as a set of experiments because Madonna indeed describes multiple experiments that she mediates through her fictional character “Dita.” And, here, it is vital to characterise Dita first. Dita is a very dynamic character who values the act of pleasure. I think she is the vehicle Madonna uses to journey through the forbidden and unchartered territories. And, Often, bisexuality and nudity represent these territories.
Dita does not mind her partner being bisexual, and she is ready to live both lives together. Madonna flaunts her nudity throughout the book and even thanks Miami’s citizens for letting her liberate her body in the streets of Miami.
At, times we see Madonna also gives some philosophical lessons on love and intimacy, for example, when she says, “if you want to be liked, make yourself unavailable.” In another instance, she refers vagina as a temple of learning and further writes, “it (vagina) is the place where all the painful things happened, but it has given me indescribable pleasures.” She also believes that only those who can give pain can give pleasure. She compares being tied up during BDSM with the mother’s caring (when she straps the child in the car seat).
She is your Madonna. You might agree or disagree with her flamboyancy and overt attitude, but she remains the way she likes. She seems to break all the hetero-normative and conventional boundaries of Sex. She advocates that a woman should not shy away from flaunting her body and sexuality. Thus, she sometimes sounds like a radical feminist.
Madonna seems to transcend all the conventional boundaries of Sex. She sets her own standards. On occasions, Madonna becomes like a floodgate; when she opens up, nothing can stop her. I like when she draws an analogy of a vagina with a dripping candle. Both dribble when they are hot! She also loves to be in the driver’s seat (when she refers to a sex position) during sexual intercourse because, as she says, “it gives you control of your pleasure.”
She also describes the first encounter of her finger with her vagina; she writes, “when my finger found flesh,” telling her first-ever instance of bodily pleasure. Madonna further states boldly, “I like my vagina, it is the complete summation of my life.”
However, it will be interesting to note how many have the same luxury of flaunting their body publicly (in the age of “callous” social media) without being judged or getting mocked. Madonna also takes the categories of class, race and gender barriers for granted. In reality, most people cannot outrightly copy her erotic actions described in the book. Thus, this book can kindle some hidden desires in some people; it cannot be a cookbook for everyone.
Want to write for The Pink? We’d love to have you in our community of 400+ writers. Or Follow us on Instagram for more.
