The blind side of all-girls online communities
Can you ever be … TOO SUPPORTIVE?
The wholesomeness of women-only communities on social media can take you by surprise (in a good way, of course!). Their positive, encouraging attitude can help you get through almost anything in life- be it boy trouble or a career crisis! The world was indeed wrong, and women CAN and DO support each other.
Except maybe… just maybeee … we are sometimes… TOO supportive?
And before you say that one can never be too supportive, hear me out first. Yes, you might be right. One can never be too supportive, but one can be BLINDLY supportive, and that can be a dangerous trait.
Let me explain a bit.
- Women are, at the end of the day, only human.
- Women can have their flaws and be wrong too.
- And most importantly, women can also have toxic traits.
If you really think about it, we’re all flawed human beings and we ALL make mistakes. But after decades of being blamed for literally anything and everything that goes wrong in the world, it’s only fair that us women cut each other some slack! There is, however, a fine line between cutting a person some slack and completely ignoring that they are clearly in the wrong.
On many occasions, I have seen women cheat and try to justify it. I’ve seen women not respect their partner’s boundaries. And most importantly, I’ve seen women show very clear signs of being abusive.
And yet, when these stories show up in these girls-only communities, no one points it out to them that maybe… just mayyybeee… they’re the problem? No one tells them that it’s not okay to cheat, that people’s boundaries should be respected no matter what (or who, in this case) and no one tells them that what they’re doing to their partners (or even friends) is perhaps toxic.
Instead, what we do tell them is that such things happen. It’s okay. Your feelings are valid. We hope things get better.
And what that does is it gives women the validation they need to do things that aren’t right. It lets them get away with being toxic or abusive. So instead of holding them accountable for their actions, what you’re actually doing is teaching women that they can get away with anything by simply playing the ‘woman card’.
Repeat after me. Toxic traits are NOT gender-specific. Anyone can have toxic traits and we must learn to call people out- no matter what their gender — on their toxic behaviours.
And your feelings are valid. They are. But your analysis of the situation might not be. Your actions in that situation might not be. It’s okay. We aren’t perfect. We make mistakes. We’re just human.
And that is why we women must help each other see when we’re doing other people wrong. Sometimes, one might not even realise that their actions are hurting others, and when we only validate their feelings despite their hurtful behavior, what we’re actually doing is curbing their growth. Being kind, positive and supportive are good qualities. What isn’t okay is being BLINDLY supportive.
I’m not asking you to leave long hate comments on people’s posts nor am I asking you to call out every little mistake a person makes. Be kind and positive still, but also gently and constructively explain to people when their actions are not ok. Cut them some slack by giving them the scope to learn and helping them improve, not by ignoring toxic behavioral traits. Quite often, all it takes is one person gently pointing out a different perspective! Be that person.
Acknowledge your mistakes. Acknowledge your negative traits. Work relentlessly to make yourselves better. But also, work relentlessly to help your girlfriends become better people as well!
