The “Couple Bubble”
It Can Save Your Relationship: Here’s How
If two’s company and three’s a crowd, then having an entire friend group, family unit, or workplace involved in your relationship…is surely a few too many people.
Don’t get me wrong, we all tend to do it, we go to others for advice on our relationships, or we let well-meaning friends or family get way too involved. Everyone is going to have an opinion, but the truth is, the only ones that matters, are yours and your partner’s. That’s it. And it is around this time and around this realization, that the Couple Bubble, comes into play.
What It Is
The Couple Bubble is an agreement between two people, to create a safe space in which the relationship comes first. It may initially sound a bit jarring entering into an agreement with someone, that the relationship comes first, but keep in mind this is not something you will be doing on the second date. This type of agreement comes into the committed and long-term relationship realm and is not an agreement to be entered into lightly, but once entered, can make dramatic shifts in the success of any relationship.
How It Works
So how does it work? Do you just shake hands, spit, turn around three times, and boom, you’re in a Couple Bubble? Not quite. First, you take time to determine if the person you are in a relationship with, is someone you can see in it for the long haul, or feel you want in it for the long haul. Take some time, journal it out, meditate on it, whatever you need to do to be sure this is something or someone you truly want.
Now, if you are already married, this portion might take a little less time than if you are simply dating. But even within a marriage, it can still be good to take time to reassess the status of the relationship. Maybe your problems are beyond what a Couple Bubble can fix, so it’s important, to be honest with yourself, and your partner about how you feel, and where things are headed. But as long as you are both committed to the ongoing success of the relationship, the Couple Bubble can work for you.
After you’ve decided this is your person, and this is the situation you want to be in, then you are ready to give this Couple Bubble thing a shot. The next step is to do it. Dive in.
Commit to yourself and each other that the relationship is a safe space, a port in the storm, a place where both of you can feel safe to express yourselves, grow and thrive. It is also a place that is protected from outside elements, whether that is intrusive family members, nosy neighbors, critical coworkers, ex-partners, and anyone else who might be a threat to the intimacy and security of the relationship.
What It Looks Like
So far we have looked at the Couple Bubble as an abstract concept, but here are a few examples of what it looks like in the concrete: shutting down negative conversations about your partner, avoiding or ignoring intrusive questions about your partner or the relationship, not spending time with people who cause fights within the relationship, acknowledging your partners request for distance from certain people in your life or past.
There are people from your single life, that might not translate as well to your relationship life. For example, an ex that may or may not still harbor feelings for you, may not be much of a threat to your singledom, but it can absolutely bring your relationship crashing down around you. An overly flirtatious coworker, when you’re single, might be fun and flattering, but after a few too many at the company work party might become a serious threat to your relationship.
Here is where the Couple Bubble comes in, with its protective shield, to make sure the relationship stays safe and perfectly intact. The Couple Bubble looks like having a conversation with that ex or that co-worker and letting them know your current relationship is what takes priority in your life, and that the flirtatious behavior, or intrusive phone calls, are not worth the damage they cause. It is letting others know, that the Couple Bubble is out in full force and will protect the relationship and preserve it as the safe space it is supposed to be.
Sometimes the need for the Bubble isn’t as apparent as a boozy co-worker’s advances, or an ex’s intrusive involvement, sometimes it is more subtle, such as the barring jabs of a mother in law, or the rude comments of a long time friend. While it may seem innocent enough, comments and jabs can add up and often slowly chip away at the foundation of the relationship.
Your partner deserves respect, and if someone in your life is not showing them that, especially if it is someone you brought into their life, then a simple side conversation with your mother or your friend, about the way they speak to or about your partner, can make a huge difference. Having these conversations ensures the Couple Bubble remains intact and the relationship it contains, stays safe from outside threats.
Why It Works
If there is a problem that needs addressing in the relationship, that needs to come from you, not your mother, not your drunk friend, not your nosy coworker. Sharing too much information with others about intimate details about your relationship can cause a lot of damage.
It is also usually not going to give you the answers you seek. Your friends, parents or coworkers, are just that…yours. You are not likely to give them a completely unbiased read of the situation, and they are most likely not going to return an unbiased opinion of it. No one truly knows what goes on in the confines of a relationship, besides the two people in it.
Well-meaning friends and family, can often become far too involved and give one-sided opinions that can cause further damage to the situation and the relationship. It can help to talk out problems with others, but the best source of that is usually someone truly unbiased, like a therapist or a couple’s counselor.
Of course, the best source can also be..well..the source. If your partner is causing a problem in the relationship, telling 100 people about it isn’t necessarily going to fix anything. But going directly to your partner and letting them know how their behavior is affecting you, might alleviate the issue completely.
That is where the safety of the Couple Bubble comes into play. Part of the agreement is that it provides a safe space for issues to be brought up and discussed, with the objective of a solution. It is not meant to be a Festivus-style airing of grievances, it is simply a space for topics to be brought up for discussion and solution.
All couples are going to disagree, even if you have the exact same hobbies, friends, and favorite movie list down to the number, you are still going to find things to argue about. And that’s ok. Disagreements in a relationship are normal, but how they are handled, can make a huge difference in the success or failure of a relationship. That’s where the Couple Bubble comes in to save the day and ensure the goal of a resolution is met.
To Wrap It Up
The Couple Bubble keeps the good and personal in, and the intrusive and disruptive out. It allows the relationship to stay just as a should be, a safe space. There are enough war zones and battlefields in the world as is, so don’t let your relationship, become one of them.
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