The Devaluation of Indian daughters for a Secure Future
Lets talk about the menace of dowry and its place in the modern society
I am an Indian girl, born and raised in an educated Malayali family. Malayalees are an ethnic group originating from the state of Kerala in India and according to Gita Gopinath, chief economist of IMF, ‘Kerala is the best place in India for a girl child’. She is right to have said that because Kerala has eradicated female infanticide resulting in an impressive female to male ratio and has the highest literacy rate with 95% female literacy.
There is also a flip side to this golden state, its love for gold. Keralites are the largest consumers of gold although the population of the state is only 3% of India. One of the main reason for this insane love is the amount of gold used in weddings. On average, a middle-class girl in Kerala adorns 300–400gms in gold ornaments. To give you an estimate one gram of gold costs 4600 rupees as of today (60 USD/gm).
So, why are Keralites still spending on gold when it is so costly?
These gold ornaments are not mere aesthetics but they symbolize the status of the families involved in a marriage and sadly dowry for the bride, which Malayalees lovingly call ‘streedhanam’. As a child, I have been reminded on multiple occasions that my parents need to save money and invest in ridiculous gold schemes for my wedding. This used to make me feel inferior and helpless but I understood that education hasn’t changed the gender-based hierarchies in my community. So, I had decided a long time back that I would marry for love and not a gold digger.
I was lucky enough to find myself a charmer using just my personality (damn right!) without exhibiting any gold. A man who genuinely considers me his equal and doesn’t cage me into specific gender roles. Although I was successful in rewriting my story, not many around me were able to do so.
Recently, a 24-year old medical student allegedly committed suicide in Kerala because her husband and in-laws were harassing her for more dowry. This is one of the many cases that made news in Kerala in recent times. How did the most literate state in India fail to prevent such shameful crimes against women?
After much thought, I understood that even though these girls are educated they are still raised to be obedient and are expected to conform to patriarchy. This has been beautifully explained by Ms. Lalita Panicker in this article, unfortunately not much has changed since 2016. I believe when a girl faces injustice, she should be the first person to stand up for herself. Unfortunately, this attitude demands immense self-confidence which we fail to impart in girls as it is an undesirable trait in women. An opinionated girl is mostly disliked and is labeled as ‘less adjusting’ and is not categorized as a daughter-in-law material. This is also portrayed in the Malayalam movie The Great Indian Kitchen and director Jeo Baby was highly applauded for his brave attempt at showcasing the plight of married Indian women.
But it took Jeo Baby, a man, to appropriately highlight a problem that has been going on for years in our homes. Why are we still not able to fight our own battles? We as women need to let go of the societal shame, family honor and the ‘good girl’ tag. A good girl is someone who is polite, considerate and a people-pleaser. There is nothing wrong with being a people pleaser but there are chances that you might lose yourself in this process. I have been trying to silence the good girl in me for a few years now, it is not easy but I must confess it is truly liberating.
So, to all the Indian women, let go of your inner ‘good girl’ and bring forth the ‘strong girl’ who is assertive, opinionated and stands her ground. She who understands her value, develops her own identity and doesn’t trade herself like a commodity in search of a ‘suitable boy’.
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