You Can’t Be Nice If You’re Dead
Don’t protect the feelings of people who trigger your survival signals
Like many today, I like to believe that we’re all fundamentally good but every once in awhile, I’m proven wrong by some grisly crime in the news — or by binge-watching Obsession: Dark Desires on Netflix.
As animals, violence is a part of our existence and thanks to nature, our bodies have a complex system of protective mechanisms to avoid danger or fight against it. Unfortunately, social norms inhibit these mechanisms and make us especially vulnerable to violent attacks.
Gavin DeBecker, a security specialist and author, has made it his life’s work to refamiliarize us with an intuition which we are taught to ignore because of the societal pressure to be kind and receptive. Though violence affects all sorts of people, women are particularly at risk thanks to harmful gender schemas.
“Most men fear getting laughed at or humiliated by a romantic prospect while most women fear rape and death.” — Gavin DeBecker
In his 1997 bestseller, The Gift of Fear, DeBecker uses his extensive experience working with victims of violent attacks to educate readers and encourage them to be more proactive about…
