The Reduction Cometh

The solution to all problems.

J. Murdock McInnes Vasey
The Pinko Rat
Published in
3 min readNov 3, 2022

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We are all hoping for a solution to the ongoing environmental disaster. There is a solution, but we are not going to like it.

The answer is fewer people. And by that, I mean a lot fewer people. A reduction by as much as 75% resulting in a global population of about two billion is needed to create a sustainable world. Just think, only one in four houses in your neighborhood will be occupied. The end of the housing crisis is in-sight.

I am sure we will do what we can to avoid this. But, as usual, it will be much too late and much too little. As water, food, petroleum, and other resources become ever scarcer those with the guns and the will to use them will survive; others will not. This is not a new or radical idea. It has always been this way. The day will come when we are all MAGA idiots shouting to build a wall. Suicide crosses my mind at this point.

Military planners around the world have been evaluating scarcity, catastrophe, and mass migration scenarios for a long time now. But it is not the kind of thing one discusses in polite society. You can, however, feel a little safer in your beds tonight knowing that the grown-ups are thinking about this and will come up with a plan. Or, maybe, that should make you feel less safe. I don’t know.

The way to a smaller population comes in only two flavors, fewer births, and more deaths. Fewer births sound better to me. But you know humans; more deaths are bound to be in there too.

The reduction in population, we could call it that “The Reduction”, or just “The R” will not be fair. But it will be televised. Those who have done the most damage are least likely to die. This makes sense. The closer you are to a subsistence level existence, the fewer resources you have to defend yourself with when the walrus comes.

So, let us think about how this would play out for the good old USA, the biggest waster of them all.

We would “negotiate” the annexation of Canada. Canada has tons of natural resources, a relatively small population, and, this is most important, it is colder. We will all be looking for cooler places. And we could buy Greenland.

We make all of Central America a deal they can’t refuse. We need their fruits and their labor and the fruits of their labor. They need our protection (from us, that is). This is the standard protection racket, and we know how to do that.

We would also take over Colombia and Venezuela. Marching powder and oil being American staples and those poor people certainly need our help to run a democratic society. We are the experts.

We will declare the rest of South America a Protected Nature Preserve and implement strict population controls. This way we can protect the rain forest in Brazil and Paraguay and have environmentally safe access to Chile’s reserves of copper and lithium. Lots of good stuff in Peru, Bolivia, Argentina, etc. also.

The population of the new Great Again USA (GAUSA, pronounced as yowzah) would total about 630 million. The protected areas would add another 400 million. This is about 50% of the two billion limit and seems fair to me. We leave 50% for everybody else which seems very generous since we have the overwhelming number of weapons. And by the way, America would be great again. USA! USA! USA!

You may have noticed that in this plan not a single American has to be “reduced.” This means that the rest of the world will have to reduce by 86% rather than 75%. Just a little bit more.

The big question is, of course, how are we going to get them to do it?

A subject for another day.

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