Mind the map: How examining your (self-)talk can help you find your way to transformation
Are you „struggling“ with anything? Are you „too old“ to change? Is your life „a mess“?
When you observe carefully how you talk about yourself or to yourself silently in your mind, you get a notion of what your inner map of reality looks like.
That is why working with our speech patterns and cognitions is a powerful starting point when we want to transform ourselves.
When we construct a mental model of what we perceive, we
often delete information, distort correlations and generalize. That causes our inner map to lack important information we would need in order to find our way to the outcome we plan.
In observing speech, you can detect where information is missing and restore it. By restoring information new ways open up in our map, we can change our talk and consequently change how we show up in our world.
Here are three questions you can ask yourself to observe your speech patterns:
What metaphors and analogies am I using?
Let’s say you want to establish a habit of journaling. When you text your friend: „I am struggling with establishing my habit of journaling“ this implies that there is a fight happening, that there are obstacles that you have to remove by force. This suggests hardship and an energy-consuming activity.
How does the energy change when you describe the implementation of the new habit as a quest, a play, a journey instead? The obstacles as an invitation to try out new paths, experiment with new moves, and find out what’s working?
Isn’t it more uplifting when you give your energy to the process of learning, being curious and moving forward instead of fighting windmills?
Where am I generalizing?
„I am not an entrepreneur.“ „My life is a mess“. Generalizations can limit you. Challenge them. Chances are that they are not objectively, always, and under all circumstances true. Find the exceptions. What surroundings, circumstances, instances do you remember in which you acted in an entrepreneur way? What competencies do you have? What could you learn to become an entrepreneur? Where are there things that show the order in your life?
Replace those generalizations with more helpful, less generalizing beliefs — e. g. „I am learning to become an entrepreneur.“ „I am starting to get order back into my life by applying for this job today.“ — and you can experience how the loop works in favor of you. This is because the new beliefs add new locations to your map and give you a larger range of paths to choose from.
Could there be a different perspective?
Do you hear yourself making judgments about yourself? Like „I am too aggressive.“ Or: „I am 47, I won’t find a new partner because I am too old.“?
The first judgment lacks context: Aggression is not dysfunctional in itself. Sure, you don’t want to be extremely aggressive and beat up your family. But you will need a certain amount of aggression to protect your boundaries. So when you are feeling angry, find out what needs to be protected by you and in what be an appropriate way. Maybe it’s that you need some undisturbed time to finish an important task and can make it clear to your kids that you will be there for them again in an hour.
The second judgment is assuming a cause-and-effect mechanism that is not real: There is no proven automatism that after reaching the age of 47 you will never find a new partner. The opposite could be true: You have had some years to gain experience and to get to know yourself and find out what you want so that you are best equipped for finding the most appropriate partner ever.
When you look from a different vantage point, new views open up.
There’s more to transformation than words and cognitions
There’s more to human beings than speech and thoughts, though.
Our minds also operate with images, fragments, sensations that work on a pre-logic level and transport deeper information than conscious thoughts.
Therefore it might well be that you perfectly examine what your head deletes in your mental map and meticulously restore that on a conscious level, but don’t have your gut feeling or your heart on board on your transformational journey. They can then deny cooperation on a subconscious level and sabotage your quest.
In that case, imaginative techniques are needed in addition to the cognitive techniques lined out here. They can give the other members of the team a voice and ensure their cooperation.
But listening closely to your thoughts and utterances definitely is a powerful first step in your journey towards your transformational goals.
