Jailbird Joe Wants To Be A Writer
Last time he wrote something, it got used in evidence against him
My friend, Jailbird Joe*, has just got out of prison with a story to tell and no money for a ghostwriter.
He wants one — needs one — because his C at English O’Level is pushing up daisies under the OMGs and AMAZINGs that make up the meat of his lingo these days and he wants to sound more like the guy who wrote Midnight Express.
Luckily he knows a secret. Apparently, when writers push a cracking story idea to a publisher, the publisher hands over a fat cheque called an advance which can then be used to pay a ghostwriter to write up said idea.
Easy.
After a few celebratory brandies, he looks up all the publishers to call and can’t find any numbers. No joy at LinkedIn either.
Everyone’s telling him to submit a manuscript, but what’s the point because even if he could write one, it would just get returned rejected like everyone else’s. He needs immediate acceptance, goddammit!
I tell him about the Diversity Pass. He says his ethnicity got wiped out after his branch of the human race departed African shores one or two million years ago and lost their pigment.
