FLORAL LIVES MATTER
Oh No! Don’t Kill Flowers For My Birthday
Knock something off my Amazon wish list instead!
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Adults aren’t supposed to get excited about presents because flowers and choccies are meant to be enough.
That’s like saying thinking doesn’t matter any more, just settle into the herd!
It’s my birthday this month and I’m having a birthday rant about all the pretty flowers that will be arriving soon. My family are loving, happy and generous but very set in their gift-giving ways.
They won’t listen that cut flowers creep me out!
When I get flowers, it feels like I’m transferring dead bodies from a cardboard coffin of a box into a glass tomb on the sideboard where they will end their days being judged on how long they can make their misery last.
How does nobody else hear the screams?
I don’t know. Who decided flowers should be the go-to gift for people who are older than they used to be? Hampers too for that matter. My sister spends a fortune on Fortnum & Mason hampers full of weird posh food.
I just want Lego.
There is a solution
I created an editable Amazon list over Christmas and sent the link out so everyone could collaborate on presents for the kids.
It took the guesswork out of buying things for children whose tastes and interests change faster than the seasons. All the families could add and remove suggestions at will. We could leave comments against the items too.
We even set up a separate list for Herman Munster. He’s seventeen and going through some Goth meets Punk meets Krueger phase. Secretly, I’m envious because in my mind I’m still eighteen and it’d be nice to be a moody bitch again and blame hormones instead of adulting-life things.
Anyway, Herman’s list worked even better than the kid’s list. That boy is fast and efficient, he’s going to make a good robot one day. He removed my suggestions like a hitman and kissed the list all better — no exchange of words, not a penny over-budget, no tears or tantrums — all brought and paid for in a click of a button.
I do believe he smiled.
Eugh.
So I’m thinking wouldn’t it be great to set up a list for me?
Now I have a dilemma
Nobody buys from shops anymore so my proposal would fit with their shopping modus operandi.
For the last few years, it’s all been coming from places like Moonpig and no offence to Moonpig, but those gifts are totally sterile and bland...
And by Jove, their birthday cards are proper shit. Mother Birthday Cards warn their Baby Birthday Cards that’s where they’ll end up if they don’t behave.
If my family’s reading, please stop buying shite from there, it’s not a good look and the environment thinks you shouldn’t buy things the recipient doesn’t want. Also those “fresh” flowers are already dead if they don’t have roots.
So my dilemma: How do I tell them about my wishlist without making out I’m being grasping, presumptive or greedy?
You know, I’d rather have a phone-call than flowers. I’ve told them not to buy flowers but they can’t seem to hold on to that information.
Anyway, it’s too late for this year I expect but I started creating a list yesterday and already there are so many new hobbies I could be getting into for my birthday.
I’ve still got to add the lego but this bad boy (iPad Pro aff link) is already in my list and there’s all year to add the rest of Amazon’s inventory.
The list is already set to public but there’s no way for them to accidentally come across it — I need to find a subtle way of sending them a link.
So, how do I tell them I have a birthday wishlist without telling them I have a birthday wishlist?
This article was inspired by a desperate need for Lego (as a gift, not a purchase)
If you enjoyed this, you can buy me a cup of coffee and make me smile ❤️ (cos I’ll turn it to wine)
