The Flame Within

Also known as Leo sun & Scorpio ascending

For most of my life, I’ve been told that I’m “too” much: too dramatic, too loud, too angry, too confrontational, too blunt. For a bit of time when I was younger, I tried to smash myself down into a smaller box. Quieter, more polite, more “ladylike,” less up-front, less willing to engage in big conversations too soon.

And, as you might imagine, I got tired of that shit. Fighting against what you are is exhausting on every level.

Some of us are just meant to burn. All day. Throughout the night. Forever. Some of us are just meant to use the perpetual flame within to boost the flame of others, or to send them careening into unknown territory about their own motivations and biases.

I’m fine with it now.

I politely invite people to walk away if what I have to say isn’t the right flavor for them. It no longer insults me; any judgment I may have is always about me and my shit, not them. To be a keeper of righteous rage is a heavy task.

I just don’t have time to be gentle for everyone.

If you’ve heard, and I’m sure you have, what we did to America on Nov. 8th, you’ll likely understand what I mean by that. There isn’t time to fuck around with politeness, or unrealistic expectations placed on women about being nice and nurturing, or this absurd idea that a bunch of people who understand privilege, oppression, and the life-or-deathness of those two concepts should just start banding together with those who don’t understand. With people who only dip their toe into those ideas — until it’s too uncomfortable. Or too confrontational. How can we be expected to band with them when they’ll abandon us for the safety of whiteness, or the safety of cis-manhood, when the going gets rough?

I’m ready to sit with the discomfort, and I’m looking for those who are willing to do it, too. I’m even happy to help, if someone shows an earnest desire to do better. The nurturing teacher in me (and she’s there, I promise) makes a right quick appearance when someone is genuine; but that same teacher ain’t got time for the foolishness of, “why do you have to be so confrontational/angry/etc,” or, “this isn’t about racism/sexism/etc.”

We’re all gonna die soon, myself included, and we need to live this one wild life to its fucking fullest. This flame that lives within is not something I’ll be shamed about any longer, because it burns with the fire of a thousand murdered innocents. This flame is as old as the oldest goddess, the oldest warrior, the wolf that would kill for her pack’s pups.

There are plenty of allies out there willing to move more slowly, to use politics or religion as a base instead of personal growth. I thank the gods for them every day, because I need them. We all need them.

And I’m okay with not being one of them. I’m okay being the one that will dive into the deepest, darkest shit with you to sort it out.

May our flames burn every brightly, and light the way for those searching.

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Thanks for reading. ❤

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