Mary
There’s a memory I have of you
It’s an impossibility, but it is real
Playing in the trees
Barbies and Bionic Woman
I know it can’t be
But I know it was
There’s a memory I have of you
It’s impossible to forget
Of your first birthday
Watching you devour the cake
Hiding my eyes so I didn’t see
But giggling all the same
There’s a memory I have of you
Impossible to believe
We saw the trip so differently
I remember you
Playing in the snow in Iowa
Amazed at all my friends
You remembered me
In a way that never was
There’s a memory I have of you
Impossibly grown up
But giggly all the same
Standing up for me
Signing my wedding license
Looking so like yourself
And yet so different than
Expected
There’s a memory I have of you
Impossible to forget
Camera in hand
Taking pictures
Of geese and giggles
Rochester welcomed you
So did I
There’s a memory I have of you
Impossible to forget
No matter how hard I try
Learning they lied to you
As they lied to me
Wishing I could have
Protected you
There’s a memory I have of you
Impossibly grown away
The last time I saw you
Would I say or do anything
If I knew it was the last?
Or would the cost of a hug
Still have been too much
My younger sister died two years ago today. We were very close when we were little — we did a lot to keep each other sane during all the moves. The moves where I went from a kid to a teen. The moves where she went from little sister to younger sister.
The last time we saw each other was the weekend of my mother’s memorial. It hadn’t been an easy weekend, but I thought we were going to get through it without any of the three of us doing something to hurt each other. Then, the last day, fate intervened. We fought. We had reason to. But still… I wish my last memories of her had been better. I am sure she did too.
I have come to realize that no matter how much I only want to remember the good times, that isn’t the right thing to do. I have to remember what’s real. Remember what hurt as well as what didn’t. I don’t do justice to her life if I only remember part of who she was.
