Garlicky Eggplant Pasta and a Heartfelt Apology
I’m sorry that I’ve misled you
I feel very ashamed of the lies I’ve told you all, and today, by the advice of my therapist, I’m righting my wrongs by telling the truth. This whole time, I’ve implied that I was cooking all of these dishes. That’s not true at all, and I’m sorry for misleading you. I got caught up in the fame and glory and now my lies are stacking up in a way that’s impossible to mitigate without just coming out with the truth.
The truth is, I do help cook the dishes, but my miniature schnauzer, Remy, is the real mastermind. He sits on my shoulders and pulls sections of my hair to direct my hands to do the cooking. Yes, I might physically prepare these dishes, but the flavor combinations are all him and his advanced schnozz. Yes, just like in Ratatouille. I get that the coincidence in names is funny, but this is serious.
As such, going forward, it’s important to me that you know that a miniature schnauzer conceived of these dishes, and I’m just a sous chef, following orders. It’s Remy who insists on putting crispy kale in everything; I tell him, no! It’s too much! and he just doesn’t listen.
Anyway- I take full accountability for the people I’ve hurt and am taking steps to be better. Thank you for your continued support.
Remy’s Garlicky Eggplant and Crispy Kale Pasta
Remy says this makes enough for 2 large servings!
Ingredients
- 1 large eggplant
- Chili flakes, to taste
- 1 tsp paprika
- Salt and pepper, to taste
- Juice of 1/2 lemon
- 1/3 c. unsalted cashews
- 10 cloves of garlic
- 1 c. olive oil
- 1.5 c. kale, chopped
- 1/4 c. pine nuts
- Handful of fresh dill for garnish
- Pasta of your choice (I used spaghetti)
Process
This recipe needs a little pre-dinner prep; we’re doing confit garlic baby. It takes 2 hours, but it’s very hands-off and I PROMISE it’s worth it. You can make it several days before and then use it when you’re ready.
I recommend getting a big bag of pre-peeled garlic and making a big batch all at once.
Put your garlic into a square brownie pan (or other oven-safe glass dish) and cover completely in olive oil. Cook at 250 for 2–2.5 hours, until the garlic is brown and jammy. You can store in a jar in the fridge for up to a week, and you can save the oil to use in recipes that could use a lil kick of garlic!
First, get some water boiling. I use my kettle. Pour the boiling water over your cashews and soak for at least 2 hours, until very soft. You can also boil the cashews for 20 minutes for a quicker soften.
Preheat your oven to 425. Cut off the stem and bottom of your eggplant, and slice in two, length-wise.
Cut a cross hatch pattern into the eggplant and sprinkle salt on each side. Let it sit for 15–20 minutes to draw liquid out; this also prevents bitterness. Pat dry with a paper towel and brush with a bit of olive oil, salt, pepper, chili flakes, and paprika.
Lay the eggplant flat face down on a parchment-lined baking sheet, and roast for 30 minutes. The skin will look very wrinkly when it’s done!
While your eggplant is roasting, make your pasta according to the directions and dry toast your pine nuts. When your pasta is done, reserve 1 c. of pasta water to add to the sauce.
To dry toast, put the pine nuts in a pan and cook on medium while stirring, until fragrant.
When your eggplant is done, you can pop your chopped kale on a baking sheet with a bit of olive oil in the oven. Roast at 425 for 6–7 minutes, until very crispy. Keep an eye on it because it can burn very quickly.
To assemble the sauce, combine your confit garlic, cashews, eggplant, salt, pepper, paprika, pepper flakes, and pasta water and blend until smooth.
Toss your pasta and crispy kale with the sauce, add some fresh dill and the pine nuts on top and serve hot!
