I have a friend…who kills people.

I would like to say: I am not judgmental.

I do not believe in picking apart the being of someone to fit an ideal of what I want them to be. I have had this happen to me and it hurt. So, I choose not to do it to others. I am writing this in the hopes my friend will read it and want to change. That others like her will read it and change. I am writing this to enact change.

I have a friend (I’ve known her all my life)who kills people. Yes, kills people. While I’ve wanted to go to the police about this, I have my reasons for not doing so. 1. I know the justice system isn’t built to fix her. 2. I see so much potential in her. 3. I’m a real friend

My friend was raised to live up to an unrealistic standard of perfection. Constantly being told to be better than everyone else and for her to be, her parents consistently told her she was. This perfection standard, as you can imagine, led her down a destructive path of self hatred exemplified in hatred for others.

I have heard her call gay people an abomination, fat shame, slut shame, and say women who were raped deserved it because of the way they dressed. In once instance, she even said she didn’t believe the rapist should be convicted because he had a promising future that would be ruined by “15 minutes of fun.” I’ve heard her express immense disdain for minorities and immigrants, and the worst — she told me she has killed people. Yes, killed people.

At 10, she was in a fight and beat a girl to a bloody pulp, spit on her, and when told to apologize she told the girl she should be stronger and to get over it. Even worse, her parents agreed. They’d raised her believe that people who “crossed her” deserved to be punished.

Being her friend has NOT been easy. Several times, I’ve mustered up the courage to tell her how I felt. My mom taught me to see the good in people, to give the benefit of the doubt, and to find the light in everyone. So, I tried “intervention” methods. At which time, she threatened and tried to fight me. She felt I was against her — calling me disloyal and traitor. I couldn’t help but cry because I know deep inside she wants to change, but is so afraid to admit that something is wrong. I’ve been here, so I get it.

Be clear, she is not ALL bad. Like I said, she is my friend. I have seen her help people in need, pray for and with people and also give good advice to people who needed it (advice she doesn’t take herself, but anyway). She even flew to Haiti to volunteer after the earthquake in 2010. I’ve seen her post “Pray for __________” on her social media pages after acts of terror or devastation. She has a heart.

So, about the killing people thing. I wish I were making this part up, actually. I wish I meant she killed people with her words or actions — not literally. When she disclosed this information to me, I was rid with so much emotion — half intrigue, half fear. We were in a coffee shop and she jokingly said “Suporia, I’ve killed before”. Of course, I thought she was kidding. All of the dysfunction she’d shown never led me to think she’d murder. So, being me, I responded “me too”. To which she replied “I am not kidding”

Seeing she was serious, the intrigue and fear kicked in and I asked her the next logical question: “Who?” She said: “Suporia, most times I forget their names. So, let’s just say they were men & women — Fathers, sons, brothers, sisters, I would guess.”

“Why?” Was my next question.

“All their fault, Suporia— they were thugs, talked back, crossed me, looked suspicious — and they all deserved to die.”

At this point, I am in tears (and half wanting to get the hell away from her!)

The last person she’d killed? Philando Castile. A man in Minnesota. He’d smoked weed in front of a child, was constantly getting pulled over, and fit the profile of other criminals in the neighborhood. It was only so long before he did something more sinister, she felt. So, she hunted him down and killed him.

Yes, my friend America has serious issues. Issues that has led her to murder, more than once. She is not ALL bad, though. She has potential and promise. I want to help her. I want to protect her from a justice system that wasn’t built to change or rehabilitate her. I want to undo the teachings of her parents, for her to see her sins forgiven and know she is good enough without having to be better or perfect. I want to see her move on from her places of pain and grow.

If she were your friend, wouldn’t you?

America, you are beautiful and brave. Within the dysfunctionality of your upbringing is so much beauty and promise — but to get there, you need help my love. You need rehabilitation, to be taught and incorporate new habits, and to undo the ideologies you’ve accepted for so long without challenging.

I wrote this hoping she’d read it and change, hoping people like her would read it and change. I wrote this to enact change.

If you liked this post (even a little:)) please, recommend and follow for more!