I found this quote in an old journal yesterday… I read it aloud to my boyfriend, and while I hugged my own words, as one would with a comforting memory, he asked me what it meant.
A lot of us live on the defense, approaching whatever waits for us around the corner with caution and deliberation. We don’t necessarily know that we are doing it because it is a habit that is inherently ingrained within our daily performances; we don’t question what it means or why we are doing it. So, the line above serves as a reminder for those who have anxiety, who worry, and/or who cannot just appreciate the moment for what it is for fear that it will eventually expire, and leave you “worse off” than you were before it began.
For a more in-depth explanation, please continue reading below…
The composition of each of our lives is constructed by an invisible tether balancing and connecting sui generis beads of moments. Each bead represents a different memory, instance, or enlightenment that has gotten us to this point in our experience of life today. These beads are immeasurable; age, success, where we thought we would be and aren’t, need not apply. Yet, we can feel the quality of these beads because of the experiences they represent.
Once we start living within that acceptance and understanding of the ephemeral nature of life itself, we can start letting go of old habits and outworn patterns that confine us to a mind space of dis-ease and fear… Fear need not be so blatant and dramatic. It can be as simple as not doing something you’ve always wanted to and justifying your way out of it (that new yoga/spin class because “you are too tired to wake up that early”). Or, it can be as deeply laden as heeding other people’s advice and valuing it more than your own inner wisdom; granules of which you have acquired along with each marble of experience.
We confine ourselves in ways that are so subliminal that we don’t even realize what we are doing! We have grown so accustomed to hearing the echo of negative self-talk within the cenotes of our minds that we do not think about the dwindling self-love we have for ourselves and how that is further hindering us from broadening the quality of our experiences.
In this moment, you are exactly where you need to be. You should be here, at this sentence, taking it in, or re-reading what was written above because you zoned out and started thinking about something else that you really should be doing instead.
Let go of (release yourself from) that way of thinking and treating yourself. It is a process. It starts with acknowledging it when it happens, and letting go of it. It takes practice. The way we think has developed over a multi-layered process starting from the time we were born into our family environments, to absorbing the ever-changing surroundings of schooling and extra-curricular activities, to expanding our worldly awareness to adapt to what is now expected of us as adults and all the social pressures we are implicitly expected to sustain. *le exhale*
This is your life, your chain of beads that you are stringing for yourself. Breathe into the perfection of life, high-five it, nuzzle it, give it some love.
Life is not perfect, but perfection does exist within each moment. Offer yourself a new way to look at your life and break out of old habits that prevent you from seeing the sui generis that you experience every day.