All That Is Gone: A Covert Narc Production Poem
This is the moment I know the truth
It’s going to happen.
You are going to leave.
All my fears
Denied and pushed away,
All my false faith,
All my magical thinking
Blasted into bits,
Disintegrating.
I see the edges of an after-world
Peeking at me around childish corners —
Like an evil game.
It’s a vision I can’t shake.
We are exiled
In a stranger land, and
You will never understand the way I’ll always be your home.
You will keep killing me
A thousand thousand times
Before it’s done.
I will die
And be conjured back to life
Like a bloodless avatar.
You’re still here,
But I’ve been uninvited.
I crashed the party and
Was told to stay away.
All the good, all the love, all the closeness, all the friendship, all the shared secrets, all the power of a look that passes between two people who know what the other is feeling, and the feeling that life has opened up and bloomed, and you are resting on a silk petal, you are floating in a pocket of air among the leaves of some great tree — all that is gone.
Connection created and severed,
Created and destroyed,
Created and denied and erased for good.
I am small.
I mean nothing to you as we start to fade.
Were you ever real?
No one will ever come for me again, no one will ever ask to love me
And no one will ever bother to explain to me these things I cannot comprehend.
In the end, there’s no one left to care.
No one left to…
