27 Choice Cuts From The Trump Phone Transcripts
A list in ranked list form
Today, The Washington Post released transcripts of Trump’s conversations with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto and Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull shortly after the election. They reveal a few things: 1) Trump doesn’t understand how government works (i.e. it doesn’t work like his business), 2) Trump doesn’t grasp key concepts (particularly when Turnbull attempts to explain the refugee agreement to him over and over again), and 3) Trump is in no way concerned about the actual effectiveness of his policy but is instead monomaniacally focused on what he thinks the public perception of his strength will be.
None of this is of course surprising, but it’s disheartening and still shocking when your fears and negative assumptions are confirmed with hard evidence. When it comes to the presidency, there’s cognitive dissonance. At the end of the day, you want to believe that there’s a base level of competence beneath all the antics and rube-friendly rhetoric. And yet, over half a year in, my brain still hasn’t accepted that this sentient beluga whale colostomy bag is actually president. And conversations like these ones don’t help.
At any rate, here are the choice Trump lines from the phone calls, ranked . . .
27.
“th[e] solution was tariffs at the border, because the United States has a trade deficit with Mexico of $60 billion. And the United States will not have those deficits anymore. We do not mind a small deficit, and we do not mind a little time to get there. But we cannot do this and we cannot sustain like this. We will not be the United States anymore. And we cannot listen to this. I was voted on the basis that we are losing so much money to Mexico in terms of jobs, factories, and plants moving to Mexico.”
26.
“Enrique”
25.
“ You have some pretty tough hombres in Mexico that you may need help with, and we are willing to help you with that big-league. But they have to be knocked out and you have not done a good job of knocking them out”
24.
“he speaks better English than me”
23.
“ I have also heard like 5,000 as well.”
22.
“ I have to say I love Australia; I love the people of Australia. I have so many friends from Australia”
21.
“ Listen, I know how tough these guys are — our military will knock them out like you never thought of”
20.
“ But you cannot say that to the press. The press is going to go with that and I cannot live with that. You cannot say that to the press because I cannot negotiate under those circumstances.”
19.
“ It is you and I against the world, Enrique, do not forget.”
18.
“ This ISIS thing”
17.
“ Give them to the United States. We are like a dumping ground for the rest of the world.”
16.
“ Your words are so beautiful. Those are beautiful words and I do not think I can speak that beautifully, okay?”
15.
“ I look so foolish doing this.”
14.
“ I have had it. I have been making these calls all day and this is the most unpleasant call all day. Putin was a pleasant call. This is ridiculous.”
13.
“ If you were a Muslim we have nothing against Muslims, but if you were a Muslim you were not persecuted at least to the extent”
12.
“ Yes, I will be seen as a weak and ineffective leader in my first week by these people.”
11.
“ Well, Canada is no problem — do not worry about Canada, do not even think about them. That is a separate thing and they are fine and we have had a very fair relationship with Canada. It has been much more balanced and much more fair. So we do not have to worry about Canada, we do not even think about them.”
10.
“ They said I had no way to 270 and I got 306. That is why they lost the election, because of stupid deals like this. You have brokered many a stupid deal in business and I respect you, but I guarantee that you broke many a stupid deal. This is a stupid deal. This deal will make me look terrible.”
9.
“ Mexico, honestly, through smarter leadership, more cunning leadership — and you are in that category very much so — the very smart leadership in Mexico has taken advantage of the United States. The people of the United States know this. In Ohio, they are having rallies for Trump right now because Trump has taken a hard stance on Mexico. We lost a lot of factories in Ohio and Michigan and I won these states — some of these states have not been won in 38 years by a Republican and I won them very easily. So they are dancing in the streets. You probably have the same thing where they are dancing in your streets also, but in reverse.”
8.
“ That is a good idea. We should do that too. You are worse than I am.”
7.
“ My people stand up and say, ‘Mexico will pay for the wall’ and your people probably say something in a similar but slightly different language. But the fact is we are both in a little bit of a political bind because I have to have Mexico pay for the wall — I have to.”
6.
“ I won New Hampshire because New Hampshire is a drug-infested den”
5.
“ I met you the one time and I studied you. You are a very hard person to study, because you are sending out messages that are important to the Mexican people.”
4.
“ I want a great relationship with Mexico. In the latest election, I won with a large percentage of Hispanic voters. I do not know if you heard, but with Cuba, I had 84 percent, with the Cuban-American vote.”
3.
“ I will be honest with you. I hate taking these people. I guarantee you they are bad. That is why they are in prison right now. They are not going to be wonderful people who go on to work for the local milk people.”
2.
“ We cannot say that anymore because if you are going to say that Mexico is not going to pay for the wall, then I do not want to meet with you guys anymore because I cannot live with that. I am willing to say that we will work it out, but that means it will come out in the wash and that is okay. But you cannot say anymore that the United States is going to pay for the wall. I am just going to say that we are working it out. Believe it or not, this is the least important thing that we are talking about, but politically this might be the most important talk about.”
1.
“ This is going to kill me. I am the world’s greatest person that does not want to let people into the country.”
Read the full transcripts here.
Dane A. Wisher is based in Brooklyn.
