The Definition Of A Libertarian

You can’t argue with it; it’s in the dictionary

Portrait of two children by John Badger

libertarian

noun | lib·er·tar·i·an | li-bər-ˈter-ē-ən, -ˈte-rē-

The Definition Of A Neoliberal

Definition of LIBERTARIAN

1. an advocate of the doctrine that if you are bleeding in the street, this is simply the market correcting an imbalance between your blood inside your skin and your blood outside your skin and everything is as it should be
2. a. person who, while knifing you in the ribs and stealing your wallet, will scold you for thinking that laws should be in place to prevent this sort of thing, as said laws would be more oppressive than the robbery and the rib-knifing; b. a member of a political party advocating the belief that rib-knifing and theft is only wrong if it’s mandated by an arm of the State
3. some guy you faintly remember from high school or college or wherever who pops up on your Facebook feed to tell everyone in a thinly veiled post why he isn’t actually a conservative who’s too ashamed to admit it; alternatively, will post gym selfies and dank memes
4. one unable to recognize the irony of telling you to read Ayn Rand and then explaining how girls suck because they are only into douchebags

• libertarian adjective
• libertarianism |ˌli-bər-ˈter-ē-ə-ˌni-zəm, -ˈte-rē-| noun

Battle Of Trenton, 2017

Dane A. Wisher is based in Brooklyn.