Trump Plans To Fill Remaining Posts With the Deceased (Satire)
“I See Dead People”
After watching Matt Gaetz's nomination for attorney general get shot down and listening to the concerns about other nominees like Pete Hegseth, Tulsi Gabbard, and Kash Patel, Donald Trump has devised a workaround for the Senate confirmation process required for several positions.
His staff has determined there isn’t a requirement for someone to be alive to be confirmed, and if the nominee cannot take the oath of office due to medical issues, a subordinate could be allowed to take his/her place and mouth the words. Incoming Senate Majority Leader John Thune said, “I see no reason why someone couldn’t take the oath for a Cabinet position, for example, if someone could testify to that being the nominee's intent.” Trump has lined up several mediums from California Psychics willing to answer any questions on behalf of the dead.
Trump has long complained about not being able to have an attorney general like the long-deceased Roy Cohn. He no longer has to wish for someone like Roy Cohn; he can have the actual Cohn, though accommodations must be made for the body as some of the people Trump wants will have undergone various levels of decomposition. Trump ordered the bodies to be gold-plated to hide the decay and cover the smell. Trump suggested reusable coffins in…
