Do this one thing to take control of your life!
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In every story there is this good guy and the bad guy .They both fight and ultimately the good guy wins.
Take a moment... Who is the bad guy in your life?
The colleague in office whom I compete for my promotion..
The student who always takes my rank..
The person next door who always fights with me..
My boss , always gives me impractical deadlines..
Fate is the villain - all bad things happen to me ...
Now think again. Visualize this.
There are two friends -Rony and Tony. Both Rony and Tony grew up poor . They both had to experience grueling circumstances in childhood. Making some money to make ends meet, itself was a challenge. Random jobs, family to support - in other words, both had extremely tough situations to put up with.
But there was one difference- Rony was someone who accepted his reality. He knew he deserved better but didn't have the money in his hand , but he was willing to strive , work harder for a better tomorrow. Tony on the other hand , developed a very bitter outlook towards life . He was endlessly complaining, constant disagreement with his reality . As a result of which he never really been moved forward.
Fast forward 10 years - who do you think would have made it better ? No prizes for that one ..Rony of course!
This leads to a very important realization.
Two people can have the exact same circumstances but yet be at different stages in their life.
Then, what is the secret ingredient?
How the brain processes the experience determines your reality and not the experience by itself. ( And this, my dear friends is the key to all the problems!)
Scientifically this fact is proven . What science is proving to us is that it's not necessary that the reality shapes us, but the lens through which the brain views the world, shapes our reality and if can change the lens we can change our happiness levels .
In a proven Harvard study, 25% of the job successes are predicted by IQ, remaining 75% is predicted by your optimism levels, social support and your ability to view stress as an opportunity instead of a threat .
Image courtesy : Thrivehdc.com
So now what can we do to change our lens of viewing the world?
¹) When ever you are faced with a tough experience, before hitting the anxiety button, take a moment to accept your reality. Yes, you deserved better; but with the current situation what is the best thing that I can do. And take the next best step, whatever you can.
2) Once you force your brain to think this way for a few occassions, your brain will automatically take this route when faced with the next challenge. In other words, your brain rewires itself to this way. ( Beauty, isn’t it!)
3) One other technique which helps you accept your reality is Gratitude. As simple as it sounds, gratitude has a profound impact on the brain - so much so that it completely rewires the brain ( hard to believe , right!) . When we are truly grateful for something, the brain produces dopamine, which gives us a natural high. Feeling grateful also decreases our stress hormone, cortisol. Also it increases our ability to bounce back from a trauma. Science has also proved to us that gratitude helps to reduce physical pain! ( So many benefits , just by feeling grateful, phew!)
4) Practicing mindfulness also helps in creating a better lens for viewing life. Mindfulness is a technique of being completely present in the current moment. It’s a more conscious way of living your life.
As Buddha says, pain is inevitable, suffering is not. Whenever you are faced with stress/ anxious situation, amygdala in the brain gets activated. ( This is that region of the brain that activates the fight or flight response. The job of the amygdala is to protect you at all times) This is the automatic stress response to protect you from danger so you don’t have to think for your response.
By being mindful , you tell your thinking brain to take over, so you can calm down your amygdala so that the stress is not experienced for stretched periods and become suffering! ( Of course, there is a lot more that actually happens in the body, probably we can cover it in the future articles!)
So in summary, we really do have a choice to regain control of our lives. Whether we want to or not, that's what makes all the difference!
Source:
- Conscious lifestyle magazine
- Ted talk by Shawn Achor — Happy secret to better work.
